Received an e-mail from a friend back in my old home town, bad news an old family friend died alone in his apartment around Christmas. Howard was assistant manager of this apartment complex and hadn't been seen for several days. The listed cause of death is probably a heart attack but we know better, Howard was an alcoholic and a Addict who still like to snort crank at 63. He recently got my tweaker nephew in trouble scoring for him. I told him he was too old to still be doing this shit, I offered to hook him up with friends of mine in the program down there so he wouldn't have to go alone not knowing anyone. He was born on Christmas and he died alone. He didn't have to. Say a prayer for the soul of a drunk who couldn't find his way here. There but for the Grace of God go I. RIP Howard old dear friend.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
I'm sorry, Bob, that this happened. It really is so sad, when we know it doesnt have to be that way yet the other person just doesn't want it, or doesn't know how. Makes it a double loss. Prayers for both your friend, and for easing some of the pain for you. Hug, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Thanks all. When this disease strikes close to home we realize the meaning of powerlessness. I had another friend who died 3 years ago of liver failure at 50. He was your classic drunk, only a loving family kept him from being a skid row bum. He always talked like he thought he had it going on. He go through a county detox to get healthy on occasion and after I got clean he said AA don't work. You never worked the program so how would you know, I'd get so pissed at him. Anyway on he's death bed he admitted to another late friends mother that he regretted wasting his life. Kinda late. I'm glad I got my moment of clarity before it was too late. The sad thing about my friend Howard is are his attack while he was lying on the floor how long did he have to lay there waiting to die, did he say to himself damn wish I had one of those first alert pendants.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
I've had a few days to reflect. I got a call from my sister, she was tore up as she'd talked to him on the phone at Christmas (maybe the day he died). She just move from Concord this last summer while I moved almost 7 years ago. So she's trying to find out what happened, I tried an obit search but couldn't pull up anything. 10 and 11 years ago I had 2 friends die of cancer it was very sad as they were both under 40. They both died in the terminal ward of a convalescent hospital, waiting to die. Howard may have died at home alone but at least it was quick better then rotting away with a belly full of cancer.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
A "prayer" and good thoughts for both your family friend and you Bob. You must know in your heart and mind that you did try to help him save himself when you attempted to hook him up with the sober friends you mentioned. It was not in your power to do more. I read this and other postings of this nature and always consider my own mortality. At 52 I sometimes wonder just how much is left and how it might end. Some of us go alone. Some, as you've mentioned, in a hospital setting. I think of my wife having died at home in my loving embrace and imagine that if I had the opportunity to choose, that would be the way I'd want to pass. Couldn't think of being more comfortable at a time of stepping into the unknown. Sorry for the sidetrack. My best to you my friend...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
wow, heavy thread - life and death - our mortality. No matter what we do we are all eventually going to die, some sooner and some later. Having worked for years in the field of nursing, I have been at the bedsides of many dying people, and then also when they had died. I've also been at death's door a few times myself.
Some people see angels, or relatives and friends that have already passed on. Some people see a tunnel with a light . I've kind of studied near death experiences,,, and I figure they must be similar to death experiences. Sometimes there is much pain for a long time and sometimes it is sudden. I agree with Tim about the best scenario, and feel for him and the suffereing he went through to be with his wife in that way.
If a person is 'alone' in that there is no other human present, it still could be that God has provided other company of which we do not know. A lot depends on our current 'understanding' of God and the spiritual dimension. I, personally, believe that there is a heaven, and a merciful God, and I trust Him... enough to let go, and know that my friend is taken care of in ways that are wonderful and beyond our comprehension.
twynaltr,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
