really having to try hard to live one day at a time right now... everything is up in the air... I don't have an exact date on when I'm moving... I tentatively plan on Jan 13th leaving town, but it all depends on weather between here and Nebraska, so I can't set an exact date. Plus my friend I'm moving in with may be driving a friend down here, in which case I'd wait til he gets in town and follow him back to Nebraska. I'm one of those people who likes to have everything planned out, know exactly what's going on, when things are going to happen... so in a way this is killing me lol But I just keep telling myself "One day at a time".

I've been making plans for school, I want to start in the fall if that gives me enough time to gain Nebraska residency, I don't know what the time period there is for residency. But I can plan all I want, it still has to be one day at a time, I can't know right now if I'll be in a place mentally/spiritually where I'll be able to handle school in the fall. I've looked into a college in Lincoln though, they offer the majors I want, I changed my mind on psychology, realizing it's such a high stress level job and I'm worried about it affecting my mental health honestly. I love languages more than I've ever loved psychology though, and have gone back to wanting to major in French and German, I could minor in Russian if I wanted to there, but I don't know if I should take on 3 languages at once. Maybe minor in business law or something, since my plan would be to work for some international company, maybe an international law firm or something, doing translating and corresponding with people overseas. BMW recruits German majors, so that would be an option. I can plan all I want on what I want to do... but as for planning when I'll actually do it, there's no telling when I'll be able to handle it, or when I'll be eligible for loans and whatnot to get in school. I can't depend on the state through my disability to pay for it now with what I want to go into, they won't pay for these programs. Also I may not have my disability when I move, I don't know how that works, I may have to reapply when I get there for all I know, which if that's the case, I'll see how I handle working at my friend's vet clinic and see if I can get to where I work full time and start supporting myself and not depend on the state anymore. I think with people there who are supportive and have faith in me, something I don't have here, it will be easier for me to have faith in myself and actually do it.

If I can get in school this fall, it will be around the time I get my 1 year sober, I'm hoping by that point I'll have a better grip on life, living life on life's terms... more confidence in myself also... that I'll be able to handle more. But all I can do is not try to set anything in stone as far as my plans go, take it a day at a time, see how it goes. That's so hard for me when I'm the type of person who likes to set up plans and goals and I tend to get upset when I don't follow through or something gets in my way. I can't do that with all this, I can't set up expectations, that only leads to resentments, probably mostly towards myself.

Sorry for rambling... a lot on my mind this morning...