Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
I needed this one today....I 'think' the parameters are changing....but who knows what it's all about at this moment in tme. Trying to get stronger and stronger, that's all I can do. I think anyone who can work part-time or full time--at least has the advantage of getting "out" often. Thanks again!
Well, darn Phil. Did I really want to hear this right after my 33rd wedding anniversary with an AHsober who moved out almost 2 years ago? I am not sure what the lesson is but I know there is one. Thank goodness it isn't all painful and that I can move on when I am ready.
To live is to change. If something stops changing, growing, it dies. But change can be scary - fear of the unknown. If my friend always says, 'hi, kid' when she first sees me,, then, if one day, she says 'hello, there',,, I am going to wonder what is going on. If my son always wears black, like a goth, and then one day puts on a red shirt,, I say 'whoa'. What's going on? If we always go to the same restaurant on Friday night, but tonight we're in the car and he is going in a different direction, its 'hello?'... what is going on?
Some people like adventure,, and some people crave routine.
What I did to that choir was to change things, and they really didn't want any changes at all. The daughter was used to starting convos with her mother in the middle of whatever song,,, and the mother was used to being the prima donna dominant, and I brought change, (get out or we'll call the police!)
Sometimes even bad situations are more comfy than change. We get into codependencies that we can't break, becuase we are used to it, and know how to move in it (even though it is like constantly butting our heads against the wall) and we fear that any change might make things worse.
That's where making our Higher Power the boss who is in charge of the changes is helpful, instead of battles over who decides what change and gets their own way.
If there is no change at all, or if the conflict is really unresolvable,,, then sometimes it is best to make space. If 'letting go and letting God' doesn't work with the two or more in the same house,,, then letting go with love and space is sometimes necessary for awhile.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time