At one point, I realized that I'd been living my whole life in a constant state of panic.  That first time I was doing my Step 3 and trying to turn things over to God,,  and I had that first very strange moment of relaxation, not even peace yet,  I realized that I had never been relaxed before in my whole life.  Really, no exaggeration.  From the moment I was born, my parents were, themselves, anxious, arguing, stressed, and violent, and that affected my basic attitude toward the world and toward life.

  So the word 'restored' to anything 'normal' doesn't apply to me.  To be calm enough to think about a methodical long term approach to things is completely new to me,  and whenever it happens it is amazing.  Sometimes, when something is going well, it even seems boring to this adrenalin junky.  But I'll tell you,  I'll take 'boring' any day over the chaos my life has often been.

  Sometimes, when it's quiet here, I can hear the cat just purring and purring away. What a nice sound!  I am not used to feeling contented for long, and that is like a sweet song to me.  She is an old cat, 15, and a feral cat,  born and lived outdoors a very rough life,  and was half dead when I brought her in 2 years ago.  She is soooo mellow. She is sitting next to me now,,, purring and purring.    Now that is serenity.  I think they should have tapes of a cat purring, along with the waterfalls, and birds singing, and all.

love in recovery,

amanda