Holidays, in my family of origin, and so for me, have been times for dinners, company, gifts, dressing up, behaving,,,, and then watching cakes flying across the room, and various emotional displays. Than, as a young parent myself, they were times of pressure to cook, clean, buy, hostess.
I have not been in this 'Christmas spirit' in a long time, and have preferred to opt out of all of it except the 'reason for the season', the honoring of Christ on His birthday. I did accept an invitation to a home, and the responsibility to do some cooking,,, making homemade pasta by machine with the son, who has some disabilities. I happened to go shopping for ingredients yesterday afternoon, and stop in at an Italian deli, store, where they had bacalla soaking for their traditional 7 fish dinner on Christmas Eve, and all kinds of interesting hors d'oevre types of things. And they were selling some local talent's cd's so Italian music was playing. I asked the daughter of the owner, at the cash register, how she makes bruschetta, and she told me. I began to feel the 'spirit of Christmas' in a way I haven't in a very long time.
What I saw was cooperation, purpose, creativity, harmony - people working together. I got my stuff home, and started to peel, cut, boil, simmer, and then I got tired, and came on here. I have only 1/2 hour now before I'm supposed to go to the family's house to drop things off and begin the homemade pasta by machine. But what I'm realizing,, seeing,, is the balance between give and take that there can be. I am appreciating that there is 'supposed to be' a BALANCE. I'm supposed to prepare my self too, clean, feed, rest, eat. I mean,, that may seem very elimentary and 'duh' to some people,,, but that aspect of it has never been there for me. So,,, now it is 25 minutes and I have to shower and dress,, so... I'm going to do that.
I feel the adrenalin started to pump,,, but I'm doing biofeedback on that.. "Calm down , body,,, You don't need that adrenalin". *deep breath*
See you all later,, have a good day, progress and not perfection..
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
thank you amanda for all the sharing lately. i think you're an amazing woman. lots of growth and your experiances are helping me too. merry christmas my sister in recovery.
How coooool that "the spirit" is is coming to you Amanda! And the recognizing of the balance. What I, and I believe a lot more alcoholics, have had a problem with during this season is not the giving/doing....But the ability to RECEIVE with grace, without putting a feeling/damper of indebtedness on either ourselves as receivers, or the givers. THAT is a true ability to let go and enjoy the spirit in just the simple exchange, be it word, action, or other gift, with total acceptance. Have a wonder-filled Christmas! With love in recovery...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
