To all, I've recently spoken or alluded to a change in my life coming soon. It has been made. I have left the woman I've been living with for 5 1/2 years, the last four of which have been a fruitless endeavor for both of us. More like a tolerance of one another than the love relation it began as. You may think that the Christmas season is an awful time to do that but there is no joy for the season in this woman's heart. I am the opposite and have needed some kind of elation, spirit-of-the-season, whatever you wish to call it for the last few Christmas seasons, and even day to day throughout the year. She is a depressive and possibly borderline. She is a great person when she is not seeing life as a drudgery and a toil. And that has been most of the time. She will be suicidal over this and may just end her life. This concerns me deeply for I wish no ill to her. What she chooses for herself is out of my control and I've been trying to believe that, but it is difficult. And if she does end her life there is no way in hell I will not feel somehow responsible. There is one person here who has been aware that this was imminent as has given me help by way of a personal e-mail during the consideration process of this ordeal. For that I will be ever grateful my friend. I am amazed that the thought of a drink "to ease the transition" is not in my mind at all. I guess I must be on a good foundation this time around in my sobriety because this is the most profound change in my life in many years and I believe I drank my way through the others. I have to thank you all here for that as well as John for bringing this website into existence. Anyway...I had to talk about this. Thank you for listening. With love in recovery...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
My mom was a depressive like that, and that was such a drain. She thought that worrying about somebody showed love. I learned that, and was a negative thinker like that too. An expert told me that me and my mom were 'enmeshed'. She was far away from her origins and did not make friends easily here, people can be so cruel to others with different cultures. So she clung to me. I had to get away when I reached adulthood. I had to develop a self, a life. I also worried that she might fall apart completely without me. She didn't. I did call her by phone, and she did visit. then came a time I had to be really firm, and tell her the truth as lovingly as I could. I told her that our relationship was not healthy and that I would not continue as it was. I laid down a rule that we could talk on the phone as long as the convo was healthy, and then when it reverted to old schtick we would have to disconnect until we regained the ability to get it onto a healthy trend. We had a lot of short convos, and a period of no convos for about a year. but after a year she thanked me. Thanked me! I had stopped enabling her, and I had rewarded good behavior on her part. Her tantrums, pleading, threatening, wheedling manipulative maneuvers failed,,, and like a child, ultimately she was glad they failed, and also glad that her good behavior did work.
do what you gotta do, and pray for her,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hiya Tim, there are times when taking care of ourselves, keeping our sobriety before everything else no matter what, can sure hurt. But, the alternatives we may have to face if we don't are even worse. You did what needed to be done for your own sanity and well being. Hopefully, everyone will reach out and grow from it all. You just take care of you, love, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Thank you all for the comforting words. I can't say that I have truly sat down in silence and reconciled everything in my mind yet as I've been busy settling into the new, healthier environment. That's probably a good thing. I do know I will have to go there sooner rather than later to clear the baggage. Again, thank you for being here...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Several years ago I left my husband because HE drank too much, and we had all the problems of an alcoholic home (so to speak). My thought at the time was my own drinking would not be 'so bad' if I could just get away from him! It took another 3 years for me to get sober, after the divorce. I hear about him once in a great while, he's still out there and worse than ever...........Sometimes we do what we must for ourselves......For a long time, after joining AA, I felt guilty for the reasons I left.........one thing I've learned in AA "I don't know what I don't know" and "everything happens for a reason"........ I am grateful that I was so egotistical at the time, otherwise, I, too, may still be out there. As far as I'm concerned, God (the one of my understanding) had it planned all along!
You hang in there Tim and take care of YOU.
-- Edited by Doll at 06:14, 2006-12-22
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
