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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Mental Hospital Phone Menu
Post Info TOPIC: Mental Hospital Phone Menu
Phil


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Mental Hospital Phone Menu
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Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental  Hospital.  Please
select from the following menu options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.  Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will  tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before;
before the beep or after the beep.  Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.  If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9.  If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up! Our operators are too busy
to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,  lie
down and cry.  You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.





 



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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Sick of being sick


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Beep boop, beep beep boop boop boop, beep boop beep beep.....oops, no.....wait...click.........Ok, I think I got it now.....beep beep beep, boop boop beep boop.....brrrrrrrnng.....brrrnnng........wha? wrong number!!!???!!!....oh crap......click! buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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Phil


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Hey Daneo....:)


Welcome to normal..


"As we know it"...lol



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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Tmarch


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that was really funny and disturbing but also soo true! Thanks for the chuckles

march

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alex cobb
timverton


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Thanks for ending my day with a hearty laugh Phil!...Tim

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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
amanda2u2


MIP Old Timer

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That one is getting printed out.  


                                    


 


 



-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 10:12, 2006-12-21

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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Quetzal


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That was great, Phil. Thanks for a super laugh!

Take care,

Carol

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Wren


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Thanks for the illumination Phil. I put the gun down and opened a window (no fan) to lie under. Doing much better now, but Ron's complaining about the ice forming on the bedspread.....lv.

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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Phil


MIP Old Timer

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Date:
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Hey Wren?


Don't give the gun to Ron...


I've talked with him already....




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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Mental Hospital Phone Menu