Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.
"If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry."
"I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget."
"I'm not angry. I'm affirming that I'm happy."
These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we're operating under the "don't feel" rule again.
Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings. We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments. We don't use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.
Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately. Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves. God is not telling us to not feel; it's our dysfunctional systems.
We also need to be careful how we use affirmations; discounting our emotions won't make feelings go away. If we're angry, it's okay to have that feeling. That's part of how we get and stay healthy.
Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.
That's right on, Phil. I try to remember, when someone feels the need to try and correct my feelings, that there is a very good chance that same somebody is unable to express those feelings themselves, so they will jealously try to steal them away from us. There are so many "empty" people out there, unable to feel past their self imposed walls. We denied ourselves so much during our time "out there", we have every right to catch up on all the feelings we missed or were afraid of before. All of them, happy or sad. I refuse to slip on the jacket of somebody's elses emotional immaturity. I'd rather feel them all, than have to deal with the loneliness of an empty self appointed judge, eh? Have a good day, Love you, Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
“We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments.”
Hi Phil,
I really needed to read that this morning. I didn't do very well yesterday at dealing with my anger in a situation. But, I did apologize to the person later. I really don't want any more resentments. So, thank you for your timely words.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
