Hi there I am an AA with 17 years and I still get my but kicked by life. I have recently broke up with a girl that I loved very much. Not any easy thing. She had a daughter that I loved very much too. Won't go into all the details but it needed to happen. She left about a 6 weeks ago and still had stuff at my house.
I have been doing pretty good until today I took the stuff over to her house. She was not even there and still tore me up. I am trying to work my program. Turn in over gary Let God take care of this. Of you. I say it then I take it back.
This has been everybit as hard as when i first got into recovery. I am addicted to that chick. Sick I know but I have at least learned to be honest with myself. I have a sponsor and he will never know how much he has helped me in times of need.
I have never shared like this on a board. Not sure if it helps anyone. I guess I am just trying to honor myself and be as honest as I know to be. I don't want to run from my feelings. Even though they hurt. I have distracted myself with everything you could have thing of in my recovery at some time in the last 17 years. I can honestly say the only thing I have not done is Drink or Drug.
But I have distracted myself with food, TV, workouts oh yea lets not forget about sex... oh is that too honest..:) oh well they are all things I have used to not be with myself. Fear of myself. Ummm
Well one day at a time. I know this hard time will pass. I have much to be grateful for. It is just hard to see it sometimes. Gary
Feelings, yeah they sometimes aren't so wonderful, but even the pain of growth is better than the stagnation you experience when you don't allow those feelings. I've seen so many who deny themselves the permission to really and truly feel, and to be honest with feelings. They just end up bitter, disallusioned, lonely. Eventually, the only feeling they can recognise is their total alienation from others. That's a sad thing to see, and worse to "feel".
My prayers for you as you journey through all of this. Thank you for sharing so honestly, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Yes,, we can be addicted to sex,,, or addicted to a person. I've been there and done that. I know what you mean by everything but drink and drug. Dry drunks. All endorphins. I'm a chocolate freak now.
Your post looks like you are working it through, and so it looks like you're going to make it. Put your high water boots on for now, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other as best you can,,, and God works it out.
I'm glad you're here.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Ahhh Gary, how very well I know... My husband just lost a battle with cancer after 89 days of hard fighting. He was 43, sober, a non-smoker and leaves behind a 9 year old daughter and 6 year old son.
Grief is an amazingly, shockingly painful thing. Doing it sober, while better, is still tougher than running away from it used to be. I have 16 months sobriety, so actually facing real feelings head on is still new and uncomfortable for me. I used to climb into my bottle at the 1st sign of hardship and really hate simply enduring the full force of the waves of pain. However, to not stay sober and weather this would not be HP's will - that much I do know. So I walk through this, one day or even one hour at a time, with His help.
You are right in recognizing the separation as addictive withdrawal. I feel a lot of the same stages of grief now that I did, and in about the same time frame after ceasing alcohol.
I regularly attend AA meetings, Celebrate Recovery meetings, and widow support meetings. In all three, I hear the repeating refrain, "it WILL get better, it really will."
Therefore, I choose to hang on to hope. Knowing that the power that wanted and got me sober, can and will get me through this.
