Sorry I haven't been on the board much lately, just tryin to go with the flow. Also staying away from that stinkin thinkin.
Guess I've been sittin back and watchin to see what is happening with my son, and well a few things have came up. Monday nite I explained to him that he needed to find a job or I was gonna choice but to ask him to find some where else to go, that was hard to do, and tired of the situation that he's put himself in. It was even harder to do considering that it was the day before my birthday. Now I'm just not sure what to feel, letting go and letting GOD take of this one. I've come to an understanding that, well he needs to hit his bottom and I have to except this right now.
I love both my children very much, and well as much as the next parent. But we as parents can only do what is best to our ability to raise our children to become the best they can be.
So now at the present time I'm doing the do things and Happy to say that going threw this situation I haven't considered on pickin up a drink or even thought about it. Greatful for that, and when he does hit his bottom be there to help. Done all I can do and well, just letting and guess we will get through this.
My daughter is frustrated as well and well taking the time to be there for her, she is strong young girl for 14 years old. She's my big supporter for the program and thankful that she's my little angel.
Thanks for letting me blow off some steam, guess I needed to do that, certainly feels better to let it out, I do have some great friends in and out of the program to confide in as well.
I was in college, at 40 something, and my son was drinking. One of the classes was a visit by a man who was from a rehab center. He did a whole class on alcoholism and drug addiction, etc. and he said something that changed my whole attitude.
He said 'the bottom is death. Don't wait'. wow!
I tried the 'tough love' thing and kicked my son out. Within the year he was in jail and in court for an incident that he took the weight for that potentially could have resulted in a life sentence. I don't believe in 'tough love' any more. I do believe that there is a difference between real help and enabling, and that we have to learn to tell the difference. I do believe that we can get into codependent relationships that are destructive, and we should avoid that.
But now, my son knows that I will support things that I think are good, and that I will not support and tell him when I think something is not good,,, and that it is because I love him. The same principles that we believe in in AA for each other we need to also apply to our families. We are here in this room for each other through thick and thin, through slips and chips. The same goes for my family.
I also went through having my son testing the limits and trying to just be lazy and mooch off of me. That is unacceptable, but I wouldn't put him out on the street again. It's hard having kids. But we are hard parents to have also, and we wouldn't want them to put us out on the street. Sometimes it is really hard to know what is the best thing to do. Step 11, eh? Prayer and meditation. Step 12 - carry the message to our own families too.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 10:38, 2006-12-14
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Thanks for the insight, I know I'm not alone in being a parent. Yes it is tough now a days raising children. I' don't want to see out on the street, we've had conversations and we understand each other. Our relationship has changed a whole lot in the past couple of months and we still struggle. I've been lettin alot go and letting god handle, your right with ur suggestion step 11 and 12. Prayer and meditation helps me, and well what helps me as well with those steps is listening to my music. Helps me get outta myself, I like listening to Shania Twain.
I like music too. When I was not allowed to say what I felt to my family, I was allowed to sing,, and I guess they didn't realize that what I was singing was what I wanted to say. So it helps me to express myself. Nowadays I also listen to mostly inspirational music because it helps me to think positive.
'do your best and God does the rest'
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
