since I have come into recovery he has treated me different,
when I was drinking he took great delight in making a fool out of me by telling me infront of family and friends what I had done when drunk.
He has bullied me since day one, putting me down and trying to sway me from making any positive moves in my life.
I got sober and he is no longer interested. I sent him a txt early in sobriety, ( I was suicidal) I told him just how rotten I felt. I thought he would be there for me, how wrong was I, he ignored me, next time I spoke to him about three weeks later he had a massive attack at me telling me not to txt stuff like that to him.
he went to a holiday place with his new family, I was invited over for an hour, during this time the usual rant over dinner went off about embarrasing me about what I had done when drunk, but my dad piped up with a patronising and sounding as if he thought I was smug "but you no longer do that because your sober" this was in front of young children, I have not yet forgiven him for that.
his other kids have been to italy disneyland and he pays for them to go skiing and private school, I was never taken to a diffent country, when I was a kid he was galovanting with several women, and was always in some tropical country without me.
He never shows any interest in me or my family, ie helen. he has not remebered a single birthday of hers and that is 5 missed so far.
he shows all his other kids love and attention but blanks me out, and I seem to do all the contacting, he never phones, My earliest memory of him is when I was very small, my mum and I had gone to his apartment to deliver a present that I chose for him, he got mad at my mum and kicked me and my mum out and chased us down the road shouting, he threw the present at my mum and then smashed it on the floor, I remember talking to my mum that night saying I never want to see "that man again" I didnt keep my word.
Just wanted to say I understand how you feel. I have a mother who's a bit off where me & my family is concerned.
Something I learned early in sobriety is the only person I can control is ME. Believe it or not when I changed my attitude toward my mother, she didn't change, but now it's only once in a great while these days that she "gets to me" and even then it's only for a short time.
She's not an alcoholic, but has many of her own "icks" that there isn't a program for!
Hang in there. It will get better.
((((((Hugs)))))))
-- Edited by Doll at 06:19, 2006-12-13
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Sounds to me like your Dads a total Git. The small hurt little boy inside you still wants to win your father's love and approval, that's understandably everyone wants the love and approval of their parents. Until he changes that doesn't seem like it's going to happen. You can't change him, you can only change yourself. I can't tell you what to do but I would tell him to find himself another whipping boy and if he tried to verbally abuse me he would reap what he sowed. Also I for one don't hang around people that don't like me. Good luck and have a Merry Christmas. Bob.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
So sorry Robert. I am in no position to advise, but the serenity prayer sure comes to mind. On the surface, this looks like one of the "things I can not change".
Best of luck with it, especially during the holidays.
I just wanted to say your not alone there with your father;
I went through life thinkin my father didn't want anything with me, and well that he was something terrible. I was raised in a single parent home by my mother since I was 3 years old and well hardly ever saw my father.
When I turned 16 years old, it was like he treated my siblings (I'm youngest of 5) better than me. Felt like I was left out of a lot with him, By this time of being 16 he was remarried and the new wife called and said her and my dad wanted to spend that day with me. I rejected both of them at that time.
told her if he wanted to talk to me have him phone me instead of her. From that time until August of last year (20 Years). Was the first time we sat down and talked, and got alot out in the opened. This was 2 years after my mothers passin, I kept in contact with him and glad I did.
I'm sorry to say that he passed on, with having termnal cancer back in July of this year. So my prayers are with you in hopes that someday you and ur father will have a open and close connection again.
Sometimes we take things personally that really are not about us. My dad had a lot of childhood baggage of his own that he used to take out on us. I also felt a real hole in my heart where his love should have been. I went through sooo much feeling sorry for myself, trying to gain his love, trying to run away from the whole thing,,, trying to drink it away. I now realize that it wasn't because I was unworthy, but because he was unable. I now have my relationship with God, and God is my Father.
I noticed that he said 'but you don't do those things any more because you are sober'. I think that is a great compliment, actually. The first time my son said that to me I was so happy that he noticed. I would have been happy about that , and not sad.
It also sounds like resentments about the past are kicking up. We can't change the past, but only accept it and let it go. We have to admit that our past behavior was pretty messed up, make our amends, and move on.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
