I don't know what's going on in Justins' head anymore. Pure insanity yesterday. I feel like Scrooge. Bah Humbug! Yesterday I had either two choices to pick from. Anger or depression. Which ever one felt better. I got so pissed at work I chose to march into the head bosses office and let him know that I'm taking on too much resposibility for my job description and that I desire a promotion. I was really pissed but I"m not sure he noticed. I kept my emotions together and stated my case. Today I should find out about the job.
I came home and was really depressed. I'm sitting in the basement and my brother asks me what's wrong? I tell him the fffin holidays. He doesn't understand and I'm not explaining it.
Life goes on.
I hate this time of year.
Where is serenity, patience, tolerance, and love? Ummmmmm
Found out the hard way... that its usually caused by some kind of expectation...and things not going my way..Or yesterdays disappointments..what ifs, or regrets..
Another day bud....life on life terms...and all that good stuff...and pickin up a drink just wont make it better...
And yupper....This time of the year...Youre not alone...Plough on through it..the best we can hu...
Another foot in front of the other..and kick ass as we go....(softly)
We do the best we can....and if every day is a good one? Theres something wrong..(smile)
To Amanda ."KICK ASS' is the Canuck language for "March On" eh.... "Softly" means "With Faith"..... Derned foreigners lol
-- Edited by Phil at 13:55, 2006-12-06
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
umm.. maybe we need to take this a day at a time? a minute at a time? anger? at past holidays? future expectations? present disappointments at where we are? Depression? that everything seems hopeless? that we are helpless? that we are doing stinking thinking?
I tend to try denial first,,, keep calm cuz I'm not dealing with things. Then I tend to blow up and use a lot of anger and adrenalin to stir me into action,, then get depressed because my flurry of action didn't produce the results I wanted,, and it can be a cycle.
I am trying to balance out,, not be in denial, but doing my Steps 10 and 11 constantly. Not letting things pile up on me. Ha,, I've got a ways to go on that one. Then I don't end up so much with things getting to the point of being all piled up and in my face.
Reminds me of that movie again,, with Duval and the song, "It's so haarrrrdd to face re-al-i-tyyyyy " Balance. I'm finding that it's not usually as great as I want, nor as bad as I feared.
take it easy, and remember HALT, as we live in the moment, and let go and let God, and all of that good 'working the program'. I also find that it is through the holidays that I tend to post a lot of shares. You are very welcome to do that, Justin. Share and share and share as you work this through to the other side of the holidays.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
christmas can bring up some bad memories, a way i deal with it is to volunteer at our alano club where we keep the club open 24 hrs a day for the 3 days around christmas day, everyone picks a 2 hour shift, theres no paid staff during this time and we bring food, keep the coffee pot full and someone is always available for someone having a bad time to talk to. this gets me out of myself, and also i have had to make sure im honest about how i feel and talk to my sponsor and the close friends in the program, venting with the appropriate people keeps me from making innocent bystanders wear it.
Sounds like recovery to me........up and down .....on that roller coaster......it gets better, then worse, then better.........just keep hanging on. You're doing great!
-- Edited by Doll at 06:09, 2006-12-07
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Congratulations on your promotion! It sounds like you presented yourself well! Success can be scary, eh? Turn the insanity in your brain over to God, and continue to do the best you can, and He'll do the rest. One day at a time.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
...up and down .....on that roller coaster......it gets better, then worse, then better.........just keep hanging on. 
You're doing great!