I went to my first meeting last Monday. I'm now sober 9 days, the longest ever. I've read the big book and have been to 4 meetings. I never prayed to God but a handfull of times, and it was always a selfish prayer.
Last Thursday, after reading the agnistic chapter I clutched the book to my chest and surrendered my will to God. I felt a tremendous rush and tingling ALL OVER MY BODY as long as my eyes were closed during my surrender. Every time I pray now I get that same feeling but not as strong...just usually in the head and shoulders. This was my proof my God does exist.
My marriage has been suffering badly (2 kids and 15 years together) from my drinking and I did not recognize it even though I had threats from my wife. I then went to drinking weekends only, but a lot. This did nothing. I justified I had no problem and that my wife was being unreasonable and a total B*&^h.
Now that I'm taking care of my alcoholism, my marriage is next. Has anyone ever had their relationships come back after being in the AA program. I now live for the family, but I still fear I may lose it even with my progress. I know it won't happen overnight.
Just want to say that first things first, glad that you've made that first time step, take things slow and keep going to meetings; this program works one day at a time. And the other stuff comes with it.
Just have trust and faith, and keep coming on here as well. you well find the people here do care and well your not alone
Welcome to this wonderful forum. It's a good place to be and it really adds to the quality of my sobriety, along with regular AA meetings.
Congratulations on 9 days sober! That is great. Keep going.
My long-term boyfriend and I separated two years ago due to my alcoholism. I was completely devastated. We have always kept in regular contact, though.
He now knows all about my fight with this illness that I have and after being in AA for just over one year, he regularly tells me that he is so proud of me and of all that I am doing, both in and out of AA. In fact, he has been telling me that for a lot longer than the last few weeks! We love each other so very much and we are working on getting back together. That's what we both want. So, my relationship has come back after being in this wonderful program. It has taken a little time and a lot of honest talking between us, but it has been so worth it.
Please keep coming back and letting us know how it is going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi and welcome, Ironman. For me, I can only concern myself with my sobriety and what or whomever I chose to call my Higher Power. If I put those things first, the rest will follow, because without those things coming first, I will inevitably lose everything else.
Perhaps you might suggest an Alanon meeting to your wife, so that she may understand better, or even take her to an open meeting.
Take comfort in knowing that it takes so long to destroy trust with others, and so it takes work and time for them to trust us again. If you keep on keepin' on, your actions and truth will win out. Have faith that all will happen as it should. Please stay in touch, we have some wonderful sobriety on this board. warmly, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I still struggle with wanting to change ALL OF IT at once, my marriage and drinking. What is the big bummer is that the sobriety has not changed the marriage yet. I know it's to short a time, but it's hard to continue sobriety when there is no positive feedback from your wife.
This is not to say I'm getting ready to drink. It's just the frustration that if I can stop drinking I should be able to save my marriage just as easily or easier. A gentler softer way? Oh how we hope!
And just wanted to add..that trust and faith from ...the other side takes time...
I used to be a big controller..and naturally wanted to fix everything at once...An alky trait for some of us..:)
Take care of number one...and have faith in that Higher Power (as you understand Him) and God..Good orderly direction....Dont push it all...and youll be ok bud..
We dont get better..and everything doesnt get fixed... by last Thursday..:)
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Welcome to this website Ironman! I'm Tim, alcoholic. Congratulations on the nine days sober and may this be only the begining of a long and beautiful relationship with yourself. That has to come before the rest, as stated already. The rest will follow. None of us can fix everything at once (I wish I could have soooo many times). The saying I'm sure you've heard is true: "Let go and let God." It really does seem to work in my life.
You have gotten some great advice above from all the others. I wish you good fortune!...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
i'd like to welcome you as well . i read your post and it got me thinking. i'd have to blow the dust off my big book to look up the page but im pretty sure that there's stuff in there about how our alcoholism has affected our families. guess i better get to reading again. thanks for reminding me
I am alanon, but find that reading both boards gives me a more thorough perspective, and I was really drawn to respond to your post. My AH has been sober almost 4 months now, and I, like you, wanted to get to work on the damage that had been done to the marriage. I tried to force a few things, and then realized that if I continued to do that, the only result would be further damage. I can't force the change in my marriage any more than I could force my A to get help.
You also mentioned not feeling any positive feedback from your wife. I do not know any of the damage that alcoholism may have caused your relationship with your wife, but I suggest time and communication. She is likely in a place right now where she is hopeful but unsure about the future and does not know what you need from her at this time. When my H came home from treatment, I had no idea how different things would really be. He did most of his drinking at home, so it took a bit before I began getting used to NOT seeing him with a drink or beer. I am still getting used to it! I didn't know what he needed from me as far as support was concerned. Keep the communication going, let her know how things are going for you, if you had a day that you struggled with. It will not only help her to understand the disease, but help her to understand what she may need help with as well.
I had somewhat of a panic attack last night thinking all about the issues in my life as I cooked dinner for my 2 girls.
I called my sponsor up and told him I was having difficulty with my new situation:
1. Sobriety
2. Wife got a new job working til 8pm last week (I have the kids alone at night)
3. Could not go to the gym (I love lifting weights and it's been a week)
4. Trying to understand why my love life has not changed yet now that I'm sober.
My sponsor said "Take care of youself FIRST. You can't worry about anything else right now. You have to get better, and you'll be useless to them until you get better." That made sense but as a person who is controlling, judgemental, cynical etc. it's a hard thing to just let it go. I then went and prayed to ask for guidance.
I feel different, but dealing now is different as well. I can't go hide in the garage and drink away my issues. The days seem longer, but the issues are still there. When I have issues I think of my beautiful girls, and it gets me through it.
just want to let you know that, ur sponser is rite and ya know what u have to do. Only you can make the right decisions for you. You doing well, hang in there, looks like you got some advise here and well
I didn't know what he needed from me as far as support was concerned. Keep the communication going, let her know how things are going for you, if you had a day that you struggled with. It will not only help her to understand the disease, but help her to understand what she may need help with as well. 
