I'm so confused. I went out on a date Saturday night with a girl in the program and things didn't go according to Justin's plans. Imagine that!
Right now I'm presently beating the hell out of myself. I am an idiot.
Don't get the wrong idea. I didn't do anything wrong. I just don't feel like I did anything right. I don't know if communication is always a good thing. I have no experience with having anything resembling a normal relationship and taking things slow. I don't think I'm doing the next right thing. Justin needs to be single. Permanently! This is just too complicated and I'm not sure I want to deal with it.
Can't go to a meeting and talk about it. What the ####!
Somebody shoot me!!!
I'm just gonna do a bit of praying right now and call it a night.
My share... to a good date..and Ive got a lot of bruises...
"I hafta shut up and listen...I just hafta be myself....I dont hafta impress....I cannot have any expectations....and I dont hafta share my life on the first night:)..If they dont like me? Tough Titty..(smile)
And the real biggy that it took me a long time to learn? One hasta be a friend first.....Jeeeze...I never knew that...!!!
Climb back on the horse and try it again...
Shit..Im just starting now..to get a bit of self confidence back...and its a whole new ball game...
And going back into hiding and isolation is not much fun....
Maybe you just werent ready..who knows...
Dont give up!!!
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
justin sweetie, dont be so hard on yourself! and dont give up so fast! its a learning experiance every time we try and not always very much fun. i am also single and have been trying the dating thing after not doing that for a long time and yikes its trippy. its like my friends tell me though, if i dont get out and try nothing changes and i do want to change and grow and learn to be a fully functional feeling human being in this world. so hang in there buddy and know my good thoughts are with you!
Phil hit that one right- "You have to be friends first." That, I've found, is THE biggest part of a great relastionship. And you can't rush it. There is a woman or more out there just wishing for a sober, hard-working man like you Justin. Just be yourself. No pretenses. No hurry up. Good things DO take time.
Any of you wonderful ladies want to chime in with Cindy and aid with some advice?
-- Edited by timverton at 22:53, 2006-12-03
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Just wanted to say that, I've experience friends tryin to set me up on blind dates. I remember this one date after I got into the program. You can tell when ur date as gone wrong when:
The fella stuck his foot in his mouth from the start, I thought to myself, ok maybe it's just me. Than his foot kept going deeper, just wouldn't shut up, lol. Get to the resturant and ignored me thought out dinner.
Got up to use the powder room, did my business and washed up after flushing the toilet and without a doubt the toilet overflowed.
And to top it off, the fella knew I didn't drink and that I was in the program. I wanted to jump outta the vichicle while it was movin, thinkin to myself shit just get me the hell outta here.
He asked me to go for a drink or coffee, take a guess what my answer was: HELL NO.
Got home and tried to think of the nicest way to say thanks and take care without bein to rude or judgemental. God does work wonders, my son gave out and all I could do was think thank you lord. lol
So don't be to hard on yourself when the time is right it will full into place for you
By the way, I had this gut feeling that something just was right throughout the nite, and a month later my friends told me this fellow used to beat his ex wife with a stick and asked how I knew.
My reply was when you've been through a relationship of emotional abuse and physical, you tend to pick up on these red flags that appear. Just my opionion, now I take one day at time and work on my self esteem and confidence.
Justin, don't let this first date determine how you look at future dating. Get this--my first sober date, right? With this copter pilot in the program. I was so nervous I thought I'd chicken out. We go out, have a nice supper, went to the club for a dance. He comes in after we get back to my place. We're sitting on the couch, clearing our throats, me still feeling like throwing up. Really wanted to impress this guy, right? And like you, I had no clue what a healthy relationship was, so had no comparison to go by. Anyway, getting closer on the couch. Arm goes around me. He hears this sound and asks, what's that? Well, I had this pet tarantula, Edith. I had put several crickets in her house that day. They were annoying her, so she was rubbing her legs together, making this funny little shh shh sound. So I say "c'mere and look, this is Edith". For the first time he realizes he's been in the same room with my dear pet. I have never seen anyone, really, have the color totally leave their face. Only in cartoons. He went stark white, and shook all the way out the door. Arachnophobia, now how many folks have that? We dated maybe twice after that..... he wouldn't come back into my home, LOL, and he lived with his Dad so we didn't go there, and well, take me take my spiders. My dating life went similar to that for many many more months. Don't feel bad. It is so awkward, we are so self conscious, but really, eventually making opposite-sex friends becomes easier, and once the friendship is established, there's plenty of time for romance. hug Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Try not to beat yourself up too much about it. I'm still with my boyfriend of fifteen years, but the thought of dating now that I am sober would frighten me to death.
As some of the other have said, Justin, just be yourself and then the rest will happen. I'm sure that there are so many women who would really love to have a good, sober guy like you in their lives. Just hang in there and it will happen when the time is right for you.
You're in my thoughts.
Take good care of yourself, won't you?
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks everyone for your comments. I am still confused but things are a little clearer in my head today. You know what's scary? This girl I went out with is too much like me. Too much in common! That's a good reason not to date someone right? It's supposed to be nothing in common but lust, right? lol. Just kidding.
I find now all I have to do is be myself and well you know first dates always can go either way, my experence is that I'm not letting it get to me. Things always have a brighter side for it, and there was something there to let you learn from this justin. It will make you stronger for it, lots more fish out there in the sea bud.
Just relax and well enjoy the single side of things and well work on you first before you consider a relationship first. I always thought that it was supposed to have some kind of relationship. But you know I'm a stronger person and very independent. Took me along time to realize that I don't need someone else there to feel complete.
When the time is right, he will be place in my path and well the same is for you. God has a plan for all of us. We're all special and we need to realize that.
"Too much like me"? Scary? TELL HER THAT! And tell her how you feel about that. Jeeze! Be honest with her and how you feel if you are sincerely interesed in her.
Lust? Justin, if you just want to get laid, go find a hooker. I don't think a woman who jumps madly in bed with you right off the bat is the kind of woman you want to be with for a lifetime relationship, if that's what you're looking for. Just my opinion...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
