how can I not fit in at an aa meeting? I have been avoiding meetings as I hate the scenario when it comes to a break and everyone talks in twos and im always left out, I hate that, it takes me back to my lonelyness and makes me feel less than, could it be that im not even good enough to fit in at an aa meeting, if so well there aint much hope for me!
Just wanted to let ya know, that I've been there done that and I realized something. That all I have to do is be me, we're all unique in our own way. And that you do fit in, I know that when I am standin alone at a meeting it gives me a chance to reflect and a better understandin of my surroundings.
Sometimes I feel exactly like that, but remember also. That ur higher power is standing beside so ur not totally alone.
Take care and hope that this too shall pass for you
I'm Mike in Boston. I still battle with the insecurity that is a part of my alcoholism. I've been sober ten years, have gone to meetings in the same area that whole time, yet am still uncomfortable during breaks. I do have a lot of friends at the meetings, but while I am not necessarily an introvert, I'm a quiet prson who has difficulty initiating conversations. Gradually I've come to accept that. What I do is sit near people like myself. There's a bunch of us. I bring a newspaper or Sports Illustrated and sit and read during breaks. Sometimes some of us chat, but I don't force it anymore. It doesn't work for me. Occasionally I still feel left out, but its much better than before.
I did dind one way to get a lot of people to talk to me. One day I wore a New York Yankees t-shirt to a meeting. That got a lot of conversation going. Seems the Yankees are rather unpopular here in Boston.
long time, no see. But you brought back a memory, of how I said in a meeting, that I had attended for many years, on Sunday Morning, it was in fact, my home group, knew everyone in the room mostly.
I had stopped going for about 4 weeks, and when they asked me to share, I just spilled it out. The meetings were now consisting of mostly men, only maybe 2 or three woman in a meeting of around 35, but the gender issue was not the problem.
So when I shared, I said, have stayed away for awhile, the reason, I do not feel like I belong here.
And after the meeting, I found it so interested really, about at least 8 of the men that I had known for a long time, said, Toni, I always feel exactly like that, and it is one of the reasons I push myself to keep coming back, it turned into a large group of us talking about this feeling.
It was one of those Light Bulb meetings, where I could see that it appears to be somewhat universal, we are all alcoholics, and when that thought goes through my head, and it does occasionally, I remember that group of us talking about how we all feel isolated, and do not feel like we belong, it helps me so much to remember.
I have always been aware too of it being part of the Disease in me, for if I were to stay away for too long, that would surly feed my Disease, that is how I feel, so because of that, I go, and ignore those thoughts. And as someone just Posted, WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR HIGHER POWER THERE AT OUR SIDES, My take, that is how I got to the meeting in the first Place.
Hope that this discomfort leave you, and we are not alone, Robert, no matter what our heads tell us. Personally, I do not trust my own thinking, if God is not in the thought process.
Take care, Toni,
and I like to remember that Prayer CHANGES EVERYTHING!! Never ever fails.
could be your higher power wants you just to eaves drop (listen in) on what these people are talking about and you are just not standing close enough! and when you do that and they look at you just say hi im robert.and stick out your hand. after all this isnt a popularity contest. its recovery and our lives are on the line. just my 2 cents worth.
Hey Robert, I see some good points made here. I have never been comfortable in group settings, but I find that if I seek out the newcomer and intro myself, that helps alot. But as Cindy said, often I just listen and watch. There is so much to learn. Part of my problem lies in where my thinking is at before I get to the meeting. If I'm full of discomfort then I need to examine why. No matter how tense I am, or how "outsider" I have felt at meetings, I always always leave feeling better. But because of my awkwardness, I find that I'm the one that has to smile and make the eye contact, because people may sense my shyness, even when I think I have it hidden. Staying around to do the small things, like picking up and washing cups, has helped on the nights I've felt sorta raw, also. Think of all of us being there with you, Robert. Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
There's an apolstered bench at the meeting house. it's off in the back of the chairs....I actually like sitting in that back cornder where i can see everyone & hear them. One of the old timers likes that seat too so we joke about who's turn it is to have it....starts up a conversation with others too....
I'm not uncomfortable about sitting alone. sorta like it.
Introvert? maybe........
Robert, you are good enough to fit in. Everyone is equal in those halls.
