Guess it took me sometime to realize that I've road block, not drinkin though.
Guess we make some decisions that at the time seems to be the right one in sobriety, than realize it's not turning out the way it should or things don't fall in to place.
let you know what happens with this situation down the road.
Some days all I have is just not drinking. As long as I don't pick up, nothing can be that bad and I know I'll get thru it. Keep fighting the good fight.
You're in my prayers, ((((tina))))).
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Do appreicate it, um it's just difficult some days and well letting go and lettin god, live and let live is really tough for me rite now, working on it.
this was a time of emotions for me to watch my son, go through his issues. And for the first while of my sobriety he would bring up certain issues and well hit me like ton of bricks, (guilt trips) then after a while it didn't work. Lets just say the program has a way of working, and I wasn't givin in. My self esteem was shoot all to shit I was so screwed up that I didn't know which end was up.
Today i'm stronger and well, the live and let live slogan has really showed it's presence in my house today, this morning I spoke to a friend whom I can trust and well lets just say I've let go and let god take care of it, and now letting my son take responsibilities for his own shit.
And praying to my higher power to keep watch over him, he's gonna hit rock bottom one of these days, and I guess I was letting it bother me to the point that I've shouldn't of. Was worried about how it would affect my daughter and me, praying for self will and thanks for lettin me get this shit off my chest.
Hey Tina, thanks for the update on how things are going.
My eldest has this talent for inserting hurtful comments re: my using years when he was growing up. I just have to remember that he is still hurting at some level, too, or he wouldn't need to say them. For a long time, I didn't say anything, but once when he had really nailed me, I sat him down, did a full amends with him (again), told him how it hurt me to keep hearing about it, and he has backed off considerably since. Still does indirect digs, but I let it fly now.
It is so very very hard to "detach" from our children as we watch them repeat the cycle. I had to do that with two of my children, and I didn't know something could hurt so much, but it was a matter of survival for me. I just kept praying they would find their freedom before they died. Now, I've a daughter in prison due to drugs, but she's alive, she's doing well, we talk weekly. It takes what it takes. My son was shot, finally went into treatment, and has three years come New Years. Our relationship is strong now. I just had to let go and allow them to find their paths, try not to beat myself up (after all, if I had or hadn't done this, that, etc.), and realize that I could not take all their pain for them. If I did, they would have never grown. Hardest thing I'd ever done in my life. Like you, I had other children, still at home, that I had to protect and be there for. Sometimes it's a day at a time regarding others, too.
Just remember to be good to yourself during all this, knowing that "this too shall pass". Really. Sometimes it's just hard to believe when your standing in that dung heap....hug, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
