I'm not depressed, honestly, but I'm isolating again... shutting things out of my mind, shutting people out... not talking about stuff because I don't want to think about it... I want some semblance of normality in my life, and if I shut everything away, things seem normal. But it's causing problems with hubby, probably partly to do with irritability from cutting back drastically on the cigarettes, it wound up with me yelling and him telling me to calm down and stop yelling... he wouldn't leave me alone though, he told me I'm acting like my 13 year old alter, shutting things away and that that wasn't good. I know it's not good, but sometimes I don't know how to handle things. I talked to a couple of people from AA about how I'm doing this, and they said at least I realize I'm doing it, that that's progress... but now I have to do something about it and I don't want to, I at least emailed my counselor and told him I changed my mind, I'm not quitting counseling because that was part of the isolating... and I'm making myself go to meetings even if I don't want to, but I'm usually not sharing in meetings because I don't want to open up about anything... I left a message for my sponsor today and told her briefly that I'm isolating and stuff, so that I couldn't get out of talking about it when she calls me back. I dunno... I know I don't need to do this right now, now it's a matter of getting myself to stop doing this.

Anyway, making myself go to a noon meeting so I need to run.