I've been heavily leaning on people in the program as of late. I have experienced total inasanity to it's fullest. Putting off this amends is the root to all of my problems as of late. I have been putting off amends ever since I came in the program in '02. I think I have figured out what's behind all these thoughts of using. In my mind making this amends is kind of like signing off to alcohol. I really wanted to get all messed up just to avoid all this guilt inside of me. I could get drunk and then be at step 1 again! This I didn't do. I faced this demon of addiction and moved forwards in this 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I have kind of grown close with this one lady I go to meetings with. She pretty much told me "I'm coming over Saturday at 9am and we're going to get through this together." I really needed this push in the right direction.
I have made my first amends ever! It happened to be with the person whom I love the most in this world, my brother. It went really well. One thing I've come to realize is that this isn't over. This is an amends that I have to take action with. I must practice these principles in every day living. Other wise this amends and future amends mean absolutely nothing. Nothing!
I think I'm in spiritual shock right now.
I can say one thing. For the moment this self-induced insanity has been lifted. Serenity has taken the place of fear and self-pity. Life will go on. Balance will return. All I have to do is work these steps and try my best to be a decent human being.
Learning to live sober............What a concept!!!!!
I hope you all have a great, sober weekend...............and go Bears!!!!!
Thanks for a great share. I'm about to start my steps 8 & 9 and I've recently realised that I am dreading them.
The funny thing is that when I first came into AA, I didn't think that I had that much to do by the way of making amends. But, the longer I am sober for, the more I realise that I have so much work to do.
I didn't think that I had been putting off making a start, but I guess that I had. I have some pretty scary stuff to start facing up to. But, thanks to your post I know that I must face it and start work on making amends. Thanks so much for that.
When I feel under pressure to do something I tend to back off from everyone and isolate and I know that that is a very bad thing for this alkie to do. I'm going to get out my copy of 12x12 and start reading.
Thanks for the inspiration and congratulations on making your first amends.
Have a great weekend,
Carol
-- Edited by Quetzal at 15:09, 2006-11-25
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I'm so glad to see your share on this. I've had this issue in prayer since you last mentioned you planned to do that. I kind of thought that was some of what that struggle is about. But you DID IT!! Now comes Step 10. Progress and not perfection. We are all imperfect human beings just kind of muddling along the best we can. So stand tall now,,, tho not tooo tall,,, as we move on with our lives.
*locks elbows and does the Oz shuffle down the recovery road*
God bless you,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
That was a great post. One thing I never thought I could do was make amends to people. When I reads the steps at one of my first meetings, my initial reaction was, "Yeah, right. That is not gonna happen. I'll do all that other stuff, maybe. But amends? Uh-uh."
Thankfully, doing the steps in order with a great sponsor made me want to do amends, and you're right. The feeling of serenity and peace afterwards was (and is) great. I just hope my Patriots don't jolt you out of your spiritual shock this Sunday. (Sorry - couldn't resist.)
Justin, thank you so much for sharing this with us. It's really an inspiration. Becoming so self-aware of motivations behind things is so important to me. I enjoy seeing how on top of things you seem to stay. I remember my first fourth, to my ex-fiance', a man with many years sobriety. It was so hard, I'd hurt him, run off with a bottle and a guy, and felt it imperative that I go to him and talk out how awful I'd been. He was so understanding. The weight of it being lifted when he forgave me was incredible. It made it easier to face the rest. To this day, when I go home to visit we hit a meeting together. Amends, and holy shmoley, I had a truck load to make (and continue to make), truly helps to keep me humble. I appreciate this reminder. Yeah, hubby will have football on tomorrow also. I'll be wearing my headphones.
Okay, what's the Oz Shuffle? Chris
__________________
"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
The Wizard of Oz had a few scenes of Dorothy and the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow going down the Yellow Brick Road together, their arms are locked and they are doing a kind of a bouncy walk which includes a little kick step in every bar... "Follow the yellow brick road (skip step)... " We are on the recovery road together,,, "Follow the Recovery Road (skip step).. " I'm from Kansas.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 08:12, 2006-11-26
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
LOL, gads that's one of my favorite movies, and it went right over my head. I remember that scene well. I kept thinking of an old show called Oz that was on HBO many years ago. It was about prison, so I wouldn't watch it, but I never forgot the name of it. Now I have this vivid picture in my head of a bunch of us skipping our way towards a big AA meeting, singing that song....I'm grabbing Wandajf, and making her do that with me up the aisles of Safeway, LOL. Thanks Amanda. Chris
__________________
"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
