What to do

Jeremy · Member

What to do

Jeremy · Member

and also I feel since I am single, I will have no life, all of my friends have families etc. and I have never had much self confidence in dating, I feel if I avoid friends, and alcohol I am screwed.

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jeremy..You wanna talk? 1-519-369-5631 or email me your phone number and Ile give you a call

philipld@sympatico.ca

tina · Senior Member

Hi Jeremy

My name is Tina

Just wanted to let you know, I've been there and can relate

My suggestion would be to find a meeting or to closest to you or find someone, to talk to, stick to this forum and someone will be able to talk to you.

There are people on here who care and will be able help you, we do help each other. Hope this helps, we do care and hope u stick with this. Your not alone

welcome and hope to see you on here more often.

Tina

sheilasdad · Senior Member

Hi Jeremy,

Yeah, I've been there and done that. I thought I was having a great time, thought I was too young to quit, and thought I'd never meet a woman without hanging out in bars. You'd recognize this as a real definition of insanity if you saw the bars I hung out in. Never got in trouble though. Five busts? That's really not a good ratio. You're better than that.

After years of this madness I went to AA. At this point, from being too young to get sober, I thought I was too old to get a life. I was only 36, yet believed life had passed me by. I had absolutely nothing.

Today? I'm sober ten years now. I have a beautiful wife, Liz, a two year-old daughter named Sheila, and a four week old boy named Liam. I've got a great job, friends, and am working on my doctorate in educational leadership.

Hmmm.... what changed?

Oh yeah, God had something to do with it too.

Mike in Boston

mikelally60@hotmail.com, if you want to email me or talk.

-- Edited by sheilasdad at 19:47, 2006-11-23

-- Edited by sheilasdad at 19:48, 2006-11-23

-- Edited by sheilasdad at 19:51, 2006-11-23

mikey50 · Senior Member

Hello Jeremy

you can look in your phone book ...white pages or yellow ...look up Alcoholics Anonymous ...the phone number is usally a hotline or central office who can have sombody call you or maybe take you to a meeting ...or you can probly get info online ....www.your cityAA.org... or ...www.yourcountyAA.org...they will have contac info ...meeting list..phone #

Good luck to you..

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Just wanted to say to Sheilasdad and MiKey50...

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving....and thanks for being a part of my sobriety, as everyone else is, on this site.....All the best to you you both...

Dave Harm · Senior Member

Hi Jeremy -

Those fun(?) days of binge drinking. In college a group of five guys, including myself, created the game Beeropoly. It was played like Monoploy, but instead of acquiring land, you acquired bars. It was quite the game with A LOT of drinking. To much actually. It took years away from my life and drained myself of any true friends.

Sobriety showed me that the people I drank with, were not my true friends. All we had in common was drinking. Nothing else.

And amazingly, some of these same people would later become friends - as we'd end up meeting at AA.

"Red Flags" for me were a divorce, a DUI, jail time (some minor and one almost major) - but most importantly all the tears I created. I heard at a meeting many years ago, that you knew you were an alcoholic, if someone ever shed a tear because you drank. My drinking, filled many five gallon buckets with tears - tears from friends and people who loved me.

As far as "friends" another old quote from AA, if you want to quit - "you need to change your playgrounds and your playmates.

Creating dreams, from the nightmares of hell...

Jeremy · Member

thank you all for the response, im drinking alone tonight have some girls i know stopping by to visit later, I told them Im not going out to the bars with them that they will have to stop and visit, the drinking isnt really apealing right now but Im doing it and thinking this may be it for me, it really might be my last day of it, I thank all of you for responding and I may just call that number the one member left, One of my friends vowed earlier this year to quit because it cost him a relation ship, I can admit I have lost many over it, My mom had to pick me up from the police this weekend and im 30, she looked quite upset, my friend ls drinking again and acts like its no big deal I never told some one I will quit because I never felt like I could actually do it, If I vow to quit I want to actually do it, I dont want to feel like I tried and failed, I value my word to others and would be ashamed of my self if I couldnt really do it. again thanks for the input. It means a great deal to me that you responded to my post, I feel like if I could one day help some one that might be enought to give me a meaning in life, maybe I will quit and be able to help some one, but if its just for me Im not sure I care that much about my self, again thanks and Ill keep you posted on my decisions. thank you

Jeremy · Member

whats really hard about it is some of them are my true friends, we have been through alot together and some of it is when we are sober, just a majority of the time we spend together is drinking, I know I wouldnt lose their friendships if I quit, just dont want to miss out on anything we used to do. sorry for all of the rambling but I know what my problem is I was in court ordered 6 hour lockup, one on one conseling sessions for 100 dollars an hour and a 3 day dui lockup, I lied to every one each time to try to avoid more trouble, but I do know I have a problem and since I spend tons of time on the net this is my start to dealing with it. thanks for listening

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Hey Bud...

Theres an old saying that came from somewhere...

"You can't have your cake..and eat it too"

I have no damned idea what the hell that means...:)

All I know for sure is..."Its your life...your choices and your call"

You wanna get and stay sober? Its a whole new ball game...and usually a whole new set of players...and its the top of the first...

And the BIG QUESTION IS

Your addicted OR your not addicted...

There is no in between....

This kid tried every way there was....didnt work...

And if they are your true freinds, if you decide to quit?

Theyll support you in your decisions..and remain your true freinds...

We care bud...

Dave Harm · Senior Member

The one thing an alcoholic has to do, must do, to "survive" and one day thrive in sobriety is be honest. When I admitted to being an alcoholic, I surrendered all control and power over my life. EXCEPT - I still have control over my word.

And I thank God everyday that I have been honest and that my word means something.

creating dreams from the nightmares of hell...

-- Edited by Dave Harm at 21:31, 2006-11-23

Jeremy · Member

I think that all of my friends at this point and they are a tight bunch will support me,but they are drunk alot and will tease a bit if they are drinking I see it with my other friends who are trying to cut back, Im just wondering if I can still go hang out for our football games etc. and not get tempted if they drink, do you think that is possible? could I watch football etc. with these guys if we usually all binge drink during the games? they all started 2 hours before me this weekend and yet Im the one who gets arrested, I would love to watch the games and not drink but dont know if I could do it, also I do believe im the bad influence to some of them who got started drinking because of me, I just think quitting drinking would be great for me but not sure what will happen If I do. thanks for your caring advice like I said earlier, maybe If I could touch some one quitting would seem real rewarding to me, you all are true role models for responding to me on here, thanks

Jeremy · Member

I used to have lots of goals but now I have none, but if I quit drinking after today and tell u all Im doing it I want to make it stick, and I feel I will go on to greatness in some other aspects of life if I do it, im just scared to commit to it as of yet, but trust me I am really getting inspired by the thought of what will happen if I quit. I think I will do great. thanks again for the comments and my mom , dad etc. would love to see me quit, Im trying to get motivated to do this.

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Well Jeremy? Can you still hang out with your freinds and not drink...?

I guess the only answer I have for that one is....

"Theres only one way to find that out bud"

Good luck with it..:)

Jeremy · Member

thanks phil for the input and god bless, I guess ill have to find that out, or hide out from them on the big days, u C Me and my friends are all big college football fans and its almost like a religion around here, and if one of us doesnt show up its considered blasphemy ( dont know if i spelled that right) our team is going to the national championship this year, and its like a cult lol , after football season its not such a big deal but we like to get drunk together and play video games.

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Hey Bud...Youve got some great feedback from everyone here....and they are all here for you at anytime...

Every one of us has been where your at..

It was great talking with you Jeremy....call me anytime...

If you need us ...or just want to let us know how youre doing....

All yu hafta do is reach out...and we will all reach back...

The local meetings stuff? Sure...check it out...

Youll make some new freinds....and theyve all been there too...

You have a good Friday eh...

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jeremy,

Welcome to this super forum. You've got some really good advice and I don't have much to add to what has already been said. For me, once I picked up a drink I just couldn't put it down. If I couldn't drink, for whatever reason, I was thinking about when I'd next be able to. Alcohol took over my life and it cost me my relationship with my boyfriend of over thirteen years.

Please give Alcoholics Anonymous a call. I did and it was the best thing that I could have done. I never feel that I am alone with my alcoholism any more. My life has completely turned around and I just wish that I'd started to go to AA years ago.

Please keep posting here and let us know how it is going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

Jeremy · Member

well Im gonna try to start something tonight, I told my friends today on the phone I couldnt go to a party with them, told them I wasnt feeling well, one of them asked what was wrong and I just argued that I couldnt go, I wouldnt tell him any thing, then I went and dumped all of the beer in my fridge in the dumpster. Im reporting this to you guys and am scared to do much else right now, I also made a list of all the good in my life and a list of what happens when I drink, I hope this will keep me motivated, I had a date lined up possibly but she hasnt called so I guess im off to get some snacks and Ill watch TV tonight with the cat. wish me luck!

tina · Senior Member

Good luck jeremy

I will thinkin about you and praying for you, just remember you have a phone number to call if ya want to talk to someone. Sure I seen someone post their number for you to call use it. If you need it

Your in my prayers

tina

Wren · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jeremy,

When I first cleaned up and started to get restless to have a social life aside from the meetings, I found the nearest Alano Club. I got real involved in the meetings they had there, the dances, and altho I fought it, I learned cribbage and got into tournaments. I found alot of women in my age bracket and started hanging out with them, and the transition wasn't as bad as I thought! I'd been in that small town my whole drinking career, had a ton of friends that I'd gone to school with, grew up partying with, and here was this whole "social" circle of sober folks I'd not even known existed. (also found alot of my high school friends were going there, too). So perhaps, after the rush and all, you'll be able to find something like that. Or a meeting where you will connect with others real well, and find things to do with them. One thing I did find out real fast; a whole lot of the folks I partied with knew I had a problem way before I did, and were happy for me when I turned my life around. They had no problem at all still doing things with me, just minus the alcohol. It was my problem, not theirs, and they were kind enough, cared about my feelings enough, to do this. You might be surprised at how understanding your friends will be. Hang tough, Chris

zoomie · Senior Member

HI Jeremy, I hope today finds you well if not sober. I can honestly say that if I ever got arrested at your age, I would have stopped drinking the first time,but I guess it takes what it takes to get one sober. I never really got into trouble with my drinking, it was a soul sickness in me that made me want to stop. In AA there are all kinds of people with all kinds of drinking problems. Some have hit bottom because of a DWI or several,some lost their families and friends,some are court ordered and some just know they drink too much and are spritually sick. We all have one thing in common and that is to want to quit drinking one day at a time. We come from all back grounds and one is not better than they other. Heck I'm just a stay at home mom and a waitress on the weekends,but I'm proud of the fact that I'm not drinking any more. One day I hope my young men (my sons) get a clue like you have they are 19 and 20 and love the beer parites,but I'm not shoving AA at them. They know who I am and what I am and I hope when they are ready to quit they will coem to me for help. You have asked for help and everyone has given what they thought you might need to hear. I hope it all helps you if not today then some day. I know for me I had to get friends in AA and not see my old friends in order for me to stay stopped. If your friends where your true friends,they would not drink around you or tease you. When you (and I'm guessing you will) pick up that beer again they will be right there patting you on the back saying "that a boy". I hope I'm wrong,but just by reading your post gives me the idea that your not ready to stop yet. We will be here always to help you and good luck today and everyday!

Jeremy · Member

well im trying to quit, just trying to keep my mind off of it, and find other stuff to do, we'll see what happens, being that this is saturday if I can get through this weekend the week should be easy, that would be a record for me to get through a whole week, but Ill just stick with the day at a time thing and read the posts on here daily for inspiration

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jeremy,

For me, the whole key to not drinking was keeping focussed on one day at a time. All I had to do was to concentrate on not picking up that day. It really does help me to keep that in my mind.

Also, popping on here and reading as much as I could was a great help, too. I think that there are on-line meetings here and it might be worth you trying them out. Just a thought anyway – I hope that it helps.

Take care and keep going one day at a time. It really will get better.

Carol

Jeremy · Member

Well I went over and watched football with two of my best friends and they were drinking, I drank a half gallon of water, and since I usually only smoke cigs when im drinking I smoked, I figured that part of what drew me into drinking was the fact my parents hatied drinking and smoking, so Im making smoking my drinking now, not too many tho since we dont smoke in my friends house, they teased me a bit last night and one of them seemed dissapointed that I may be quitting (even though I didnt mention it) and even my friends wife who doesnt drink called me a pussy for drinking water, well Not too much was really said tho and we seemed to have a good time and I left at midnight and was able to drive home for a change!, so today I called both friends and Ill admit I was nearly in tears as I told them I had no choice but to quit all together, but I wished I could do it and still spend time with them, and they both responded positively and said they hoped I would still hang out with them and they respected my wishes and they wouldnt, tease me etc.

Jeremy · Member

I know alot of you may feel that I may need to find a new hangout, but I feel very close to my friends and feel that I would enjoy doing the things we do soberwith them rather than find new friends, I informed one of them that if I get tempted to drink, Im going straight to AA.

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Jeremy...you young buckaroo...:)

Everyone here cares for yu pal....and all suggestions you have been given, are from loving, understanding recovering people....who have been through the hell that alcohlism creates...

You do what you want with it all....Its your life...take what you need for you, and leave the rest...

We are here for you...We cant tell you what to do...Its all about.."What you feel comfortable with" on a daily basis..

It sounds like you have some great freinds....they respect your decisions..

Weve talked...I think that you have a lot on the ball...

And...even tho, we dont know you personally..we are here for you..in any way that we can be..

Keep on truckin kiddo...life is short..enjoy it... Phil

Jeremy · Member

thanks phil I appreciate all of the support and advice Ive been getting on here, thanks to all of you

tina · Senior Member

Good morning jeremy

Just read ur last posting,

Just want to say one thing, and hope that you do what's best for you. Like the others have said we're not going anywhere and we do care, sounds like you have great friends and that's what one needs are people around them who are going very supportive and understanding. I'm glad to see you've talked with Phil, Phil sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

I can't speak for anyone else, but the biggest fear for me when I quit was I going to have family and friends support me and help me through my problem. Today I can be totally honest with myself and u know,, I got a great bunch family members and friends who do support me and my progress in the program.

My advice is to take care of you, and if this is what you really want to do jeremy. I do hope you do what u feel is right for u, just know we're here and anytime you need to talk let us know.

Hugs to you and by the way that took a lot courage to do what you did this weekend, and well glad you let us know what happened.

Have a good day

Tina

Cherri · Newbie

I don't know how to start a new thread and I'm brand new again.... My life is completely out of control because I have not been able to put down a drink or the drugs. I have been in and out of AA for the past amost 5 years since I relapsed back in 2000....

Last night it just hit me so hard that I'm still stinging. I had gone to a meeting to meet up with my X Sat. night. I was listenin' to people share and I realized that I had forgotten just about everything. I have been so screwed up that I haven't been able to even hear anything.

I drank after that meeting... and I stayed drunk until last night. I have been obsessed over someone I just broke up with... who is trying to get sober. I was so angry at him and he's only trying to do the right thing for himself.

I need help. I see no point in going back to re-hab as every one I've been to in the past five years I've only learned another way to get wasted. I get put on meds and although I probably do need to be on an anti-depressant or something... I don't need to be nodding on psych meds.

Right now I feel so lost.... but I do know that it's time for me to surrender. I really believe I have been on a death mission. I cracked up a car twice in the past 2 mos. I blew the clutch in my kids car... all while in a black out. I have been spending money I don't have and lying to everyone.

I'd appreciate it if someone could direct me to some online meeting for tonight. I have no way of getting to one tonight and I really need one bad.

peace,

cherri

Jeremy · Member

Im new at all this but hang in there these people on here are being a big help to me, Im just trying to find other stuff to do and and keep my self entertained, keep your head up and call Phil, he helped by talking to me. We all care a great deal for you.

tina · Senior Member

Hi Cherrie and welcome

I understand how u feel, if you want to talk here's my email address. And if ya want I'll give ya number upto you what u do with.

mtransome_23@hotmail.com

(519)369-5376

hope to hear from you

Tina R