Talked to my sponsor today... we agreed more or less the whole thing about the pills and how I'm doing was a communication problem... I should've asked her for clarification before asking anyone else about it. But she had flat out said I wasn't sober, how do you take that wrong? I assumed ok I need to pick up a white chip if I'm not sober, granted she never specifically said that, but if I'm not sober, doesn't that mean I have to start over??? So she said I should've asked about that. Maybe I should've. She talked to my friend that I had talked to, and she said it sounded like I told our friend a different story than I told her, which I don't think I did. She said I seemed to be in a really bad place which is the main reason she suggested treatment, when I had told her I was up and down, it wasn't *that* bad, but a lot of the time I get down and I'm just like screw everything. I had told her how I'm not wanting to go to meetings or go to church... I didn't put it this way, but more or less I'm just in a rut. Maybe I should've put it that way. Because when I told her that today she said there's nothing wrong with that. She said I should've told her I was just in a bad place that day, or I should've called her the next day and told her I was doing better or something. Maybe I should've. I dunno... apparently all it came down to was a communication problem, and apparently I should've called her back after we talked and discussed it with her further and she didn't like that I asked anyone else about it. I didn't see anything wrong with asking someone with more sobriety time what they thought about the pills... and it was people I didn't see anything wrong with asking, one of our friends, whom my sponsor tells me I can always talk to and she doesn't have a problem with it, and then that friend said I need to talk to someone with more sobriety time so I called my uncle that's in our group.
*sigh* I dunno. Apparently I did the wrong thing. And I told her I've talked to my dr again about the pills and that he said it was ok to take them every night if I need them and she said that's between me and my dr but that if I thought I had a problem with them, which I was thinking I might, then there was a problem and she couldn't do the steps with me until I got it straightened out. So now that my dr has said it's ok to take them every night then there's nothing wrong with it.
We're ok now... I guess as long as we work on our communication better... I didn't see anything wrong with getting a second opinion on the whole thing though, but apparently she sees something wrong and said I was just trying to find someone who would tell me what I wanted to hear, which wasn't the case, I just didn't understand how that meant I wasn't sober, and needed to ask someone about it. Maybe that someone should've been my sponsor though, but she'd already stated what she thought.
