I talked to mine and my sponsor's friend before the meeting, because I was supposed to pick up my 3 month chip today... and my sponsor had told me I'm not sober because of the sleeping pills, so I told my friend about that and asked what she thought... she asked how I'm using the pills, and I said I take them every night (which my dr has always been fine with), some nights I do take 2 when one doesn't get me to sleep, or if I'm wide awake or had too much caffiene that day and know 1 won't be enough. I also told her Lunesta isn't supposed to be addictive but may be habit forming, and she's like "right, so you get in the habit of taking them every night, nothing wrong with that." I do believe there is a physical addiction, because after about 3 nights of not taking one I will get withdrawals from it. My dr didn't understand that because it's not supposed to be addictive *shrug* So anyway, she said she wasn't telling me what to do or trying to tell me to go against my sponsor, but if it was her she'd get her chip, and to do what feels right. So I got my chip. I also told her how my sponsor thinks I may need to think about treatment, to detox off of sleeping pills (which is stupid because my dr told me how to taper off of them to avoid withdrawals) and to get me on some kinda schedule which she doesn't think I have the discipline to do that on my own, which my friend said maybe she's using reverse psychology but I don't think that's what she was doing. My friend thinks I'm fine, maybe up and down but we all get that way...
So... I dunno... I'm going to talk to my sponsor about all this... personally I don't think the sleeping pills means I haven't been sober... and our friend said to do what feels right, and if I was taking the pills for sleep, and not to alter my moods then it doesn't mean I'm not sober, like if I was manic during the day and took a sleeping pill to bring me down, I'd be relapsing or something...
*sigh* I dunno, I feel like I went behind my sponsor's back talking to our friend about it and getting my chip... but I don't really agree with my sponsor... and I'm going to talk to her about that... and if she still says I'm not sober, then maybe I'll ask our friend to sponsor me... which I hate to do because up until this my sponsor has been great.
Thanks Phil When I posted about the sleeping pills before I was having mixed emotions and I'm so used to just listening to what my sponsor says and agreeing to it, not totally thinking for myself... ya know, she has more time sober so she must be right... but this I didn't totally agree with... I think I may be addicted to them, more of the habit and the physical addiction if that's what the withdrawals mean... but I don't think it means I'm not sober, as my friend said I'm not using them to alter my moods.
I'm so nervous about bringing this up with my sponsor... like I said, I feel like I went behind her back... and I've never had anything come up with her that I just didn't agree on... and I don't like that possibility being there that I may need to find another sponsor... but my friend would be a great sponsor too if she'd take me...
Hey Lisa watch that coffee, eh? When I was going the rounds fresh sober I was drinking coffee all day, not eating, and I couldn't even see myself, I was so wrapped up in the crap turning round in my head. And a lot of it.. just like finally seeing 'it' really was the alcohol all along.. was the coffee, on top of having a pickled brain drying out. Hell I still know it would be better if I left it alone, at 'only' a pot a day eating and working regular.
Seriously. I could promise you, cut it out with the caffeine, and a lot of this 'stuff' will shape up quicker. If it wasnt the things larger than life terrifying me, I would have easily chose to end it. I am not exaggerating, that caffeine can get you. Look up symptoms of a caffeine overdose, and add that to a brain which doesnt yet function right without alcohol. Google it. I dont get worked up easy. I see a lot of the same 'stuff' going on with you, just a different brand of 'it'.
I have a good cup of jo at the meetings. I even have my own mug from the clubhouse.
However, I have been discovering teas lately. We have an electric tea kettle & drink tea all day. Some caffeinated - Some not caffeinated. I usually start brewing my non-caffeine in the evening. I put some honey in it - sooths my throat.
When I posted about the sleeping pills before I was having mixed emotions and I'm so used to just listening to what my sponsor says and agreeing to it, not totally thinking for myself... ya know, she has more time sober so she must be right... but this I didn't totally agree with... I think I may be addicted to them, more of the habit and the physical addiction if that's what the withdrawals mean... but I don't think it means I'm not sober, as my friend said I'm not using them to alter my moods. 
