when i was new i did cry and grieve the loss of the booze cause it was my whole freakin identity, i mean who the hell was i without it? i did not know a single person who wasnt addicted to something. booze was the only thing i could rely on and the idea of life without it was terrifiying. the cravings were severe. finally an old timer said "relax cindy, get drunk tomorrow" i of course was shocked at that. but you know when i told that insane voice in my head that we'll do it tomorrow it shut it up and relieved the pressure for that day. in the meantime i went to meetings everyday, hung around the alano club (a safe place where no one is allowed in if they have had a drink today) and slowly was able to start listening at the meetings. "how it works" began to sink in. the old timers shared their experiance and by god they were right about all kinds of stuff! so one day at a time i am still here. no one is more surprised than me. havent had to drink for longer than i was out there and am so grateful , at times i felt suicidal and another old timer told me that when an alcoholic kills themselves they are killin the wrong guy cause none of know who we really are, and i can add it takes a long time to find that out, im still finding out who i really am and its been almost 20 years. hope this helps somebody. bless you all. love ya
I needed to hear that today. I am not new to AA...I actually had almost 5 years and I relapsed for a year and a half. I have been sober for almost two weeks and today is one of those days where I started thinking that I really need a drink. What the hell is wrong with my brain because I know my life so awesome without it but the darkness tries to suck me in. I am stronger than that. I need a meeting when I get this way. Honestly, I have only been to two meetings since I surrendered and threw in the towel. I always had a hard time commiting myself to the program fully but I am starting to realize that I need the place more and more because I don't want to drink.
