My sponsor told me yesterday morning that I've been getting really clingy to her... I didn't realize it, and I don't realize when I call so much... I used to be this way with my husband when we were dating... I was dx with borderline (the whole "I hate you, don't leave me" thing)... and now apparently I'm being that way with my sponsor. She told me I called 6 or 7 times monday and I didn't realize I'd called that much. It was a bad day and I was trying to reach her or her sponsor (she told me she's busy this week and call her sponsor if I need to and can't reach her). I realized I'd called her sponsor quite a bit, but I didn't realize I'd called my sponsor so much. I sent her a text last night saying I was sorry and didn't realize I was doing it and she said it was ok... I texted her sponsor too and told her I didn't mean to be clingy and my sponsor said I was and I didn't realize it, and she replied saying my sponsor doesn't speak for her and to call as much as I need to.
My sponsor was out of town all last week on training for work, and I only got to talk to her a couple of times, and I was going through some crazy stuff, I started talking to her sponsor some then so I'd have someone here in town that knew what was going on. I was in a really bad place (it seems to be starting to get better finally). When she got back in town I wanted to see her a lot, and we were finding at least a couple of hours here and there to see each other. Then she tells me I've been too needy and clingy.
I had a migraine from hell yesterday, and she had been planning on picking me up when she got a break for a few hours from her meetings at work yesterday, so I texted her and told her I was sick (and I didn't have any meds here and couldn't drive) and asked if she'd pick up some migraine meds for me and I'd pay her back since I knew she'd be coming out this way. She replied saying she didn't have any cash but she would bring me some tylenol from work. She called when she got off and didn't say a word, she asked what I was doing and I said lying in the dark trying to get my head to stop pounding, and she actually laughed! She's usually more sympathetic when I'm not feeling good. And she didn't say a word about the meds, so I thought I was being too needy and didn't bring it up.
When I'm told I'm being this way my first reaction is to back off as much as I can... I've got it in my head I just don't need to call, wait for her to call me, even though I'm supposed to check in with her every day. And I know that's not right either, but I don't want to call and bug her and her think I'm being too needy or something.
I hate this, I don't want to be this way, but I don't even realize I'm doing it when I get like this. Well now that she told me, like I said, I just want to back off totally. When I get like this I can't find that middle ground.
I told one of my friends in AA that she said I was being needy and clingy and calling too much and told her I didn't realize I'd called that much the other day and that I was just in a really bad place and couldn't reach anyone and my friend said she would've called 20 times until she reached her and that it was ok. So now I'm confused, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. *sigh*
Hey girl...just thought I would drop a few lines before I started my day...
I read your post and I do apologize..I read it pretty fast and some things stood out so I just wanted to say this:
Don't feel bad for calling her everyday to check in k? She will not have a problem with that and if she does...well time to find a new sponsor because that it what they are there for. It's ok to feel needy but it can become addictive and she told you how she felt..so don't beat yourself up for calling too much..we all do it at times and it's alright. Don't feel your less of a person for calling crazy like you do. At least you are you and you have people that love you to help you see what you need to work on right? I hate showing my vulnerable side and my character defects but when they come out it teaches me how to change and don't be afraid or upset with that.
keep your chin up. you are doing so well with your 86 days right now?
I can understand where you are coming from in finding balance. It sounds like your feelings were hurt and you don't know where you stand. I can understand both you and your sponsor. All I know is that we are all doing our best in each day. You with your struggles, your sponsor and her sponsor in thier lives. Sometimes its just good to get it off of our chest, give ourself time to feel what we feel, and then decide whats best.
I can also understand how difficult it is to live with other challenges while living inthis world. All I can say is I hope you have a better day and that there is no right or wrong here, just human beings handling life the best we can in each moment. All of us are doing our best, regardless of how that looks in someone else's eyes. You take care of you.........Take care.
Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
It's ok to feel needy but it can become addictive and she told you how she felt..so don't beat yourself up for calling too much..we all do it at times and it's alright. Don't feel your less of a person for calling crazy like you do. At least you are you and you have people that love you to help you see what you need to work on right? I hate showing my vulnerable side and my character defects but when they come out it teaches me how to change and don't be afraid or upset with that.