Hey everyone... just a little update on me... 84 days of no drinking... surprisingly I haven't even had a thought of it with what all's going on...
I'm not sleeping well, here it is almost 5am and I've been up since 3 after getting 4 hours of sleep. I'm exhausted by the end of the day and still can't get to sleep. I haven't been eating well at all and living on coffee... and then I finally had an appetite last night and ate a full meal and got sick from it because it was too much food compared to what I've been eating. I feel like I'm losing my grip here.
My multiples are coming on strong right now, I know they couldn't have ever been this bad or I wouldn't have been able to deny it for so long... I'm admitting now, when I'm totally honest with myself, I know they've always been there, actually since I was a kid. It's just crazy right now, if I try to block them out for a day it only gets worse... the 13 year old really acts up.
Everything's so crazy right now... but I don't have to drink over it. And I've got a good support system of a few people I'm close to at my meetings who know about all that's going on so they can be there for me and tell me what happened if one of them comes out in a meeting (which two of them have).
Oh, the other fun thing going on... hubby seems to be jealous of my sponsor. He thinks when I want to spend time with just her then I must be telling her things I'm not telling him. Although we talk all the time and I tell him everything. And he thinks I tell her too much, that she shouldn't know so much about me, like my mental illnesses and such, the personalities. She NEEDS to know these things! Oh and then the 4th step came up, I had told him once we were talking about it with someone else and my sponsor was telling this other person to keep it hidden from her husband, that it's a personal thing and all that, and I told hubby about that and said I don't care what he reads of my stuff right now but when I get to that step he won't know what I've written, and from what I understand my sponsor will know, right? Well hubby doesn't like that very much. I think he's getting really jealous about me having someone else I'm so close to. *rolls eyes*
So, there's a peek into my crazy little world... sorry I haven't been around much lately. Hope everyone is ok...
Congrats on 84 days without a drink..thats a big accomplishment in itself...
From reading your post...I think youve answered a lot of your own questions, in it..
I can remember..first getting sober and going to 365 meetings the first year...and getting a response that I might as well be drunk..Im never home anyway...
And yes there was paranoia about what was talked about...and jealousy..and being alone...on the other side...which I can fully understand...
The word "Balance" comes into play also...but that sometimes takes a while...
Cant give advice to you Lisa....Just do the best you can with it all....and I think that youre doing that...
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
My boyfriend still feels 'left out' when I go to my meetings or when I am talking to my sponsor. It's quite a big thing in our lives at the moment, but we are talking about it every day openly and honestly. Before my drinking really took off, we had always been so close and he sometimes feels that the relationship we had is gone. I feel that we can have a bigger and better relationship if we carry on talking.
Well done on all that you are doing. You're doing just great. Please keep posting and letting us know how it is going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
84 days is a long time girl! I was sober for almost 5 years and I relapsed into a drinking mess for a year and a half...What did I learn? I didn't solve a damn thing and that I spend money foolishly, and in return got up late in the morning, had bad hangovers, and was miserable. Wow, alcohol doesn't offer much huh.
I used alcohol to medicate my depression but it only made it worse so why do we fall for this trap? The darkness tells us there is alcohol and it will help...then the darkness tells us how horrible a person we are for drinking and our guilt sets in....suicidal thoughts come into play....then we work off the hangover and the darkness comes back and says that we can drink...
I push the darkness away and bring in the light.
I don't know exactly what is going on in your world but I know you are ok!
Way to go, Lisa! Lotsa days put together, eh? In the beginning, all those meetings, my oldest son had alot of problems with me being gone so much. Yknow, either at work or at a meeting or the alano club playing cribbage. It was hard for me to get him to understand that it was necessary for me to do these things in order to be a good parent to him. I think he felt like I'd given up one addiction that separated us for another. But he learned, in the long run, that taking care of business vs neglect were two different things. And after a year or so, I was able to find a balance that gave him a bigger role in my life. Including him as much as I could helped alot.
You just keep on keepin on, it will all balance out in the long run, hugs chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
