I'm scared to go to a meeting tonight... I haven't been since all this started with my alters... they've only come out twice that I know of, and not around other people, I don't know if they'd come out around other people yet... but no one at AA knows about this, I haven't even gotten to talk to my sponsor much as she's out of town and I have to wait for her to call me back usually. So what do I do if my little 6 year old comes out? Or my 13 year old that's angry at the world... or my oldest one that isn't an alcoholic I don't think, what if they come out and introduce themselves with their name? What are they going to say if they come out and get called on? My sponsor is the only one in my group that knows about this, and she's not here and doesn't even know the full extent of it yet. Wondering if I should go to a different group where no one knows me, wouldn't think anything of it if I introduced myself as someone else but I'm still scared of what they would say if they came out in a meeting. I know I can't just NOT go to meetings because of this, I need meetings. I'm just scared of what might happen.
This is where I"d call on my Higher Power, Lisa. If you'd feel better at another meeting, by all means, go someplace else. But your comfort zone is your home meeting, and if I understand MPD correctly, feeling safe is pretty important. Worse case scenario? Others will find out, and that's okay. Perhaps go to the chairperson before the meeting starts and share with them what's going on. Believe me, I have seen stranger things than this at meetings. Trust in your HP that the meeting will go as it should. Maybe you'll hear just what you need to hear right now, that will help you get through this easier. HP puts people and things in our paths for a reason. Dont let the fear of "what ifs" slow you down or color your decisions. Whatever it takes to stay sober. Big Hug, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
You're right, my sponsor said the same thing, about how it could be uncomfortable at another meeting and cause them to come out... I don't want that to happen either. I talked to them, asked them not to come out at the meeting... I can see my 13 year old doing it anyway, she's mad at me right now and likes to do what I tell her not to do... That's a good idea to talk to the chairperson first, I'll ask them not to call on me just in case, and if it's someone I know well I'll explain what's going on. Hopefully if she comes out she won't act up. I told my sponsor I was just going to go to an online meeting tonight... but I haven't had a face to face meeting since the convention I went to last weekend, I need a meeting. I think I'm going to go anyway.
I went to the meeting, and blacked out for about 20 minutes... The 13 year old told me I shouldn't have told her not to come out during the meeting, and that scared me so I went outside. I don't remember going back in and next thing I knew about 20 minutes later I was sitting inside at the meeting. As soon as the meeting was over I went to my sponsor's sponsor and talked to her, made sure Brianna didn't say anything when she was out, and she didn't. I told her what was going on, and also told another close friend I have there, so a couple of people know at least. I'm sure one of them wouldn't mind sitting with me, maybe if Brianna comes out and talks they can get her to be quiet... or at least they can explain what's going on if anyone asks. They both told me there's been crazier things that have happened in these rooms and not to worry about it.
