My name is Debbie H. and I am a recovering alcoholic with almost 30 years of sobriety. I checked out this site, as I am finding that I have no interest at all to attend AA meetings anymore. I have been to maybe about 8 meetings in the past 15 months. I am questioning what is going on with me. I have no desire whatsoever to drink. I learned a long time ago, that drinking is not a solution for me in my life. Has anyone else experienced the feeling of not wanting to go to meetings?
I just don't understand this......I have always been a staunch meeting advocate and I have attended at least three meetings a week for the past 29 years. It was just the last 15 months that my desire to attend meetings seemed to wane. I can tell you that I belonged to an AA group that I helped start about 15 years ago. Since that time, only myself and another member are the original members of this group. Everyone else has changed. I also can say that there were quite a few members that seemed intimidated by my sobriety and began to talk about me behind my back and also attack me and what I would say in the meetings.
Also, as a matter of course, I am a recovering compulsive gambler with about 2 years abstinence with the gambling. I do still attend GA meetings and I also am a co-owner of a web site that is devoted to compulsive gambling. Some people in the AA group I go to are active gamblers. Whether or not they have a problem with it is really a matter of their own judgement. I do not pronounce anyone an addict on any level. That is for the person to decide for himself/herself. However, I did notice that while attending meetings and staying abstinent from gambling, that the more I stayed away from the gambling, the less some of the long time members seemed to talk to me or even have much to do with me. For some people, I am considered a "trouble maker" as I believe in the tenets of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I very strongly believe in the Traditions of the Program. I tried becoming active in the Area Intergroup as a group representative. However, I quit after I discovered that the Treasurer(who is an active compulsive gambler) was stealing money and not accounting for the money in an accurate and truthful manner. At the time, I was called every name in the book, even though the truth was staring these people in the face. My anonymity has been broken time and time again by this particular individual. I have assertively asked him not to do this, yet he continues to do what I ask him not to do.
I am angry at myself for allowing this group and its members to "run me off" from the meetings. I believe that while I am only one drink away from disaster, that I have heaps of experience, strength and hope to share with newer members. I think my fear is that if I go back to the meetings that the whole series of situations will reappear and I no longer think I have the patience, tolerance and understanding for the members who have been in the program for 10-20 years that still treat people with disdain and loathing. I realize that emotionally their growth may be stunted and they may be unable to feel the unconditional love that I have come to show towards most people in life. I guess I just don't want to argue and fight the rest of the time that I have to live sober on this earth.
I am sure that I can go to other meetings. However, this group has been considered my "home group" and I have a special affinity and love for it as I am one of the founding members.
I am curious to see if anyone else has ever been through this situation and if so, how did you effective deal with it and NOT quit going to that particular group? Also, any suggestions that anyone has is welcome. I am never "too sober" to stop accepting positive suggestions and feedback.
Hi Debbie..I read your post a couple of times...and I can identify in many areas...
Im the old guy in the group I belong to now...theres noone else there...:)
It was a group that almost bit the dust but with some help from a few others...is now thriving...
Things were a bit boring..so we changed a few floor matts...to make it attractive..
Today? I try to stay in the background and let others handle the responsibilities of it all...and its nice to see..all the newcommers and watch others grow...
It helps this big kid realize Ile never get it right...and theres always something to learn for we older folk...
I dont know if its the same thing...but I was in a group where there were no older people left...and I felt that I just didnt fit anymore..and felt like a fifth wheel....so...I changed to somewhere..where I felt I was needed...
I have also went through the periods where I slackened off meetings..as you have...and there were a few dry drunks and character defects involved...that came to the surface...even after all this time...
Involvememt with sponsees helped...getting heavily involved in service helped..
When I share at a meeting now...I try to share on the newcommer level..and some days I still am....:)
I see so many old timers quit going....its sad...
We are needed...we really are...
And I need them.....we never stop being teachable...
I think I learned more after the 18 and 20 year mark than in all the time before that...
If at some point...I feel that I dont fit at my home group any more...Ile move on...
And as I share with most....all I have is a bunch of days ...one day at a time...that have added up...and in reality? I still dont know a hell of a lot...
There are still lots of days...Im here but Im not all there...
The guys and girls on this board can vouch for that one..(smile)
Have a good day freind...Experience strength and hope...is needed....to pass on to others..and in return it helps us...
And giving to others..from our hearts..is what its all about...
-- Edited by Phil at 17:43, 2006-10-31
__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Wow, this sounds to me like there are more worries about personalities first, than principles come later. I really believe we attract what we give. I don't mean to sound harsh here, but isn't the focus to be on the good of the group rather than on the individuals.
I knowI have walked away from one group because I just couldnt get past a couple of personalities. I'm not too worried about whether this is right or wrong, but if I was more focused on the people with whom I could not get along with or who bothered me for my own defective reasoning, than thats my problem and not theirs. I'm very new to this program, but it has always been about unity, recovery, and responsibliity. We all pick and choose. It is principle before personality always. And knowing there are some sick individuals including myself, I'm glad to be reminded of that.
I do hope you find some peace with this. Sincerely, Jo-Anne
__________________
I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
Its something like going for a nice walk every day ....
And halfway down the street..2 seagulls come along..and go doo doo on my head...
The first time ? I will likely look up..and say...I forgive you...
The second day I'm walkin down the same street...and the same 2 seagulls go doo doo on my head again eh...I will likely look up and mutter a few words to myself....
Now if Im smart? The third day Ile take a different route...
But sometimes Im not too smart (smile)
The third day Ile likely take the same route..lookin up as I go..saying to myself "I dare yu"..as I'm holding a 45 under my coat...
Yup.....I can still have a hard time with principles before personalities...with some people...
Alky character defect....I like to see feathers fly some days....
Still workin on it tho...
__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Thank you Phil and Jo for your speedy and informative replies to my query about not being motivated to going to AA meetings. You both have given me food for thought as I start my daily journey into recovery. Phil, I really liked your response. I felt the need to give a bit of background information on the situation. Thank you for not hitting me over the head with a 2 by 4 to get my attention! lol
What I was asking was for help and, Phil, that is what you sincerely gave me. Yes, Jo, your post helped me as well. I was a bit put back by the intensity of your post, Jo, felt a wee bit hurt there for a minute, but hey, we all have to say what we have to say. Jo, you did hit the nail on the head about AA being a "we" proposition not a "me" thingy. I wholeheartedly agree with you on that. I did like you and moved on from my original home group because of personalities before priniciples. I am thinking that may be the solution for myself right now in my recovery. What Phil said about walking down the same street time after time..."daring" those danged birds to crap on him again.....been there done that, I just don't own a 45 to carry under my coatprobably a good thing! LOL I believe that no matter where I go, no matter what I do in life, there is always going to be someone who doesn't like me and I may feel the same way about that same individual. I don't have a problem with that at all.
Phil, I liked your suggestion about going to meetings where I am needed. Again something to give thought to at the moment. I live in an area that is blessed to have a huge number of AA meetings to pick and choose from. We also have a treatment facility that has meetings where outside AA people can attend. That is another option as well. You both have stimulated the "old" brain cells here......thank you both. Afterall, in the grand scheme of life, how important is it really? It is vitally important to ME that I get back into going to AA meetings. If I thought for one insane moment that I didn't need AA, then I just wouldn't have worried about it. However, I know that I NEED AA, not necessarily do they NEED me.
Phil, thank you again for reminding me that my hand needs to be there when another one reaches out. Jo, thank you for your honesty and caring enough to tell me how you see things. I used to think that people just didn't like me, that is why they kept getting on me....lol..now I know that it is the caring and loving person who says SOMETHING. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have said anything at all.
Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. You both have given me a lot of good information to take my way today.
probably a good thing! LOL I believe that no matter where I go, no matter what I do in life, there is always going to be someone who doesn't like me and I may feel the same way about that same individual. I don't have a problem with that at all.