Putting this on the board as a share...just in case others have, or are dealing with it, in some form or another...
In my case?...the pieces are starting to come together...as to why good marriages and good relationships are doomed for failure...without acceptance and understanding...of the following...
The symptoms of PTSD include:
sleep problems including nightmares and waking early
flashbacks and replays which you are unable to switch off
impaired memory, forgetfulness, inability to recall names, facts and dates that are well known to you
impaired concentration
impaired learning ability (eg through poor memory and inability to concentrate)
hypersensitivity, whereby every remark is perceived as critical
obsessiveness - the experience takes over your life, you can't get it out of your mind
joint and muscle pains which have no obvious cause
feelings of nervousness, anxiety
reactive depression (not endogenous depression)
excessive levels of shame, embarrassment
survivor guilt for having survived when others perished or for not having done more to help or save others
a feeling of having been given a second chance at life
undue fear
low self-esteem and shattered self-confidence
emotional numbness, anhedonia (inability to feel love or joy)
feelings of detachment
avoidance of anything that reminds you of the experience
physical and mental paralysis at any reminder of the experience
I have experienced this stuff from the outside... in...
And when going through it all? I could not understand just what the hell was going on...and I look at it all today...and know that ...if I had of had, the insight into it.and knew more about it..I likely would have been able to react differently...when triggers were pulled....
I went through a lot of this stuff and thought it was me....
In a lot of instances it was....and included insane reactions to it all...and doing insane things to prove love and trust...which normal people, just wouldnt do...
No blame involved anywhere...NONE...
This is sad stuff folks...
Combine alcohol with it....and I imagine that its pure hell...
Have a good day.....
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Hindsight is 20/20. Peace, love & understanding (like the song?). My sweetie & I would talk about that, but maybe it wasn't meant to be. We both have PTS. Don't we all?
He has his journey & I have my journey.
Adding alcohol to the mix is fatal....the crap I did to that man! We abused each other is in every way possible.
I give it over to my HP - it's not my will.
The past is the past, it's over. Nothing can be done about it. Will I make amends to him when I get to that step? I don't know. I will discuss it with my sponsor and AA friends when the time comes. I think any contact from me, at this point, might hurt him. I do pray for him everyday.
However, I can do something today....just today. I can take care of ME.
Thanks for the post. I too went through help for this, but I know that I continue to struggle with some of the symptoms. I awoke this morning praying for some of this crap to go away, and lo and behold, when I look at it in the face, I can handle it. Awareness is a step towards healing. The reminder is that I do have a choice with a few of the symptoms.
Things were swirling through my head this morning and as the minutes went by hypersensitivity, obsessivness, and others were going to take over the day. Then I read something about being grateful, and counting my blessings and words of wisdom. I realized I have control over some of this stuff. I had help for this and for that I am so grateful. This reminder is that I can have a life that is loving even through the challenges. This post was also a wonderful reminder to be kind to myself and toward others.
Its not all rosy, but it aint all the doom and gloom is was when I was drinking and using to cover these symptoms up.
Thanks again, Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
Yeah, it is really sad stuff, Phil. I am so grateful that Ron got the help he needed. I remember getting grilled about "if" I really were at a meeting and not out meeting someone. I went to a church thingee one evening, and had to produce the pamphlet to prove I had gone. Everything was like that. From what Ron has shared with me, the biggest thing he had to get over was the misdirected anger. Something would happen to him say at work, and he'd hold it in for days, he'd add every misconcieved rejection or action on anyone's part to the original anger, and out of nowhere I'd be getting blasted for not saying good morning before I went to the loo. To this day, my heart starts racing if I even think he's going to have an episode, ready to go into flight mode. It really is a nightmare for those who love the one who suffers from it, but the good thing is, it can be dealt with when the person wants help. Thankfully, Ron did. But yeah, before I knew what it was, I lived with this constant "what did I do wrong" feeling. Always in protection mode for myself and the kids. I think I have ptsd from his ptsd....
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Well it sures looks like so many of us have had this Problem.
When I was sober two years, I was diagnosed with Severe PTSD, and the treatment was long and difficult work, for over 7 years, twice a week, I agreed to this treatment, because just enough light had come in, so I felt doomed to return to drinking, if I did not undergo this treatment.
After all those years, I have now been able to see that treatment, as a complete Godsend. Freedom for all those trauma memories, my take, you face those demons in the light of day, one by one, with Hynosis or Age regression work, and once they are identified, and dealt with, they are gone, never to return.
So I look at PTSD as difficult work, but not necessary sad, sad in how it ravages our lives for sure. Also what makes it sad, is that most people that have this, do not even know that this core stuff is buried down in our subconscious, one of the most serious symtoms of ALL, my take.
I believe that I will always be vulnerable to the "trigger" of PTSD, but now have the tools to deal with it, when something has triggered anything. Still hard work, but for the most part, live pretty symtom free. To me it is like have two diseases, one is Alcoholism, and the other treated with Therapy, when ever some little trigger appears, still after all these years, still have the same Therapist, sometimes I don't call her for 6 months at a time, but let one of these friggen little triggers appear, sometimes just by happenstance, and I call her once a week, until I am symtom free again. Just like the same Gratitude I hold in my heart for AA, and the meetings, I feel this same Gratitude for this wonderful woman, that is my Therapist, she is a specialist in this area, and it also helps that she had to undergo the same treatment, prior to her becoming a Specialist in this Field.
Just part of doing what we need to go to stay as well as we can stay, and it is only through the Grace of God, that I sit here, writing about this topic. Without the Program I would never have had the opportunity to do any of this.
Just wanted to come back to the subject, and respond to what you said, about knowing someone with PTSD, my own opinion, until I had undergone those years in Therapy, I had many, many relationships, two marriages, but they were doomed. As the issue of Trust, that is needed as a foundation to any relationship, could never really gel. Tried so hard to trust, but just could never get there.
And the main issue that has been mentioned..has been Trust...
I beleive that to be true....and a big part of PTSD
And without trust how can any relationship survive...
I remember the main questions used to be "What do you want from me?" and my answer back was "Absolutely nothing...just you"
It was never accepted...
This topic...has brought a lot of pain to the surface of this alkys life...Some of us tend to carry the whole load sometimes...when we shouldnt...but we still do...
This topic has also brought a lot of realizations and acceptance...and a letting go, of a lot of self blame...and if onlys....
and I guess thats the most important...
I have compassion for those with with PTSD....and to those I have had the pleasure of being with... and whose lives I was a part of...I pray to a Higher Power of my understanding for them......and I do so with love...
Done..
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
