Our attachments to people, things and situations are a result of feeling that these people, things and situations give us something that would otherwise be missing in our life. We both get something from such relationships as well as learn lessons of giving. Whatever or whomever we are attached to is needing to be released so that they can be free. And we need to learn to let go in love so that we can be free. While attachment is inevitable in the early part of personality development, it later becomes a hindrance. It is always a hindrance on the soul path, although a good symbolic indicator of what needs to be done.

One of our most difficult lessons in life is to love without holding on – loving and allowing total freedom to the ones we love. Attachments show us where we are not totally succeeding, where we are still using others to give us something we feel we are lacking. Obviously, attachments are a form of selfishness. This is not a blame statement, but a statement of fact. Selfishness is not wrong. It is a condition that we need to become more aware of so that we can learn to choose love more frequently. When and where we are selfish is when and where we are not loving – not loving ourselves nor the other, despite appearances to the contrary.

When you do not let someone go emotionally after separation or death, you are being selfish. Whenever you are selfish you want to possess another. The person who has left your life you never did possess, but you had the illusion of possession. The person was in your life for a period of time in order for you to challenge and support each other, and give each other opportunities to learn and serve. Once they are gone there is no further purpose in your continued relationship. There is no need to fulfill since the relationship as it was no longer exists. Hence, there is no longer a purpose for being together. You both are potentially free to explore and experience something new.

Your holding on means that you are not loving them because you are trying to possess them, when it is clear that they need to be free from you and you from them.

Your holding on means that you are not loving yourself because you are trying to take something from the other (such as meaning, self value, usefulness, comfort, acceptance, devotion, love, etc.) rather than seeing that you have it all in yourself. Love toward oneself results in giving of oneself, not trying to take from another out of a sense of lack.

As long as you feel that another’s absence has left a hole in your life, that you have a missing part, you will not let go until you address that issue and fill the hole or find the missing part. You need others in your life to do this because the work or healing always involves giving to self through giving to others.

Letting go of the illusion of possession and the emotional attachment to that illusion, necessitates a strong and thorough focus on loving and nurturing the wounded personality. This could include:

• counting your blessings; taking stock of all the good things in your life

• doing what you enjoy by using your skills, talents and interests

• having fun; lightening up; not taking yourself so seriously; giving up the pity party

• helping others in a way that you choose – i.e., sharing something of your talents, skills, goodness, time, energy, etc.

• daily reflections, reviews and assimilation of your experiences

• seeing the meaning and purpose of the separation or death, and giving thanks for what was the meaning and purpose of the relationship

• ritualizing the letting go in love and the transition into a new stage of life and relationship.

Then we can begin healing.....love wren