I'ts been a long road as of late. This physical illness has worn me down so bad that every button that I have is exposed at all times. I talked with a member today via email and it only makes sense to post here. I have been so freaking needy since I've become ill. It seems no matter what people (in my mind) can't seem to fill a hole inside of me the size of the grand canyon. My relationship with family is so fragile right now. I can barely stand to be in the same room with my mom, and this brings grief, and lots of sadness and resentments. It's getting much better, however the growth hurts like crazy.
I sat and cried for a good portion of the afternoon, and low and behold, I felt human again. For a bit I wanted to crawl out of myself the feeling felt so flipping awful. And this phsical illness pisses me off a great deal. Who said anything about serentiy in sobriety. And then as I post all of this, I am more sane now that I ever was in my using and drinking days.
I'm just glad that I'm able to express it. Yeah, I'm human and things get rough. And also I'm human and learning to love myself and others. And I'm human and being the best I can in each day. Thank god for college. It is the grounding force in my life which I am totally grateful for becuase its for 3 years. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Imagine that, I feel better.
Thanks Chris for your suggestions and thank you all for being here.
Sincerely, Jo-Anne
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
You're welcome, Dear One, that's what we're here for. I'm glad you posted, I know you'll get some good feedback here. Like I said, we've all been there at one time or another. It's a day at a time, and you're doing better than you're giving yourself credit for..love chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
One thing that I truly love about this forum is the freedom to express what I am feeling, thinking and how it is going for me. I know that there is a wonderful raft of true support available to me here. I have a great sponsor and I am truly lucky in that regard. But, I don't want to wake her in the middle of the night to have a rant, so I can post here.
I have so often found, for me, that writing down how I am feeling or what is worrying/annoying me helps me beyond belief. Then, I can either post it to this super forum or work through and try to rationalize what I have been writing.
I have always taken great comfort from knowing that I am not alone with my illness. Whatever I have said, done or felt, there is so many people who have been there, too. Please know that you are not alone.
Please keep posting and letting us know how it is going for you.
Take great care of yourself one day at a time.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I woke today and felt that hole opening up. However, prayer, gratitude and blessings changed that quickly enough. Thanks for the support. I really do feel better after alot of release. Both the crying and the writing. Hugs. Jo-Anne
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
i am in lousy shape today, very sick. that mind body stuff. related a lot to your post. made me wonder if you are working on serious issues cause thats what happens to me. all kinds of body stuff. hate being sick and being so vulnerable and feeling needy. like they say..this too shall pass..wish it would hurry up!
This has been going on for months and months. Just when I thought I was coming along so well - BOOM it hit me. I keep hoping that the more issues that do get worked out will help to heal this mess my body is in.
I do understand the connection mind, body, emotions, spirit. I just know that I have a bit of a road to travel for self-love and confidence and everything else that is healthy and good. I do have to admit I'm doing not bad for someone in my shoes. (Whatever that means!!) I have learned to smile and appreciate when the oldtimers or wiser ones say that everything takes time. It didn't take me a year to get here, so it will be a while to get out.
Thanks Phil, I've had a pretty good day so far. I smiled way, way more than I frowned so far and its only 3/4 of the way over, and that makes an awesome day for me.
Take care everyone. Hugs. Jo-Anne
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
hi jo, you know whats really weird? since i got all the people out of my life that are not good to me, new people have come in. yesterday my sons best friend who lives with his grandparents (charlotte and bob) well, charlotte, was concerned about me being sick(wow!!!) and then bought a whole bunch of groceries for us!!!!! no one has ever done that for me. i was moved to tears by such an act of kindness and caring. today i feel much better. it was so hard to admit to her i needed help when she asked if i needed anything. and i finally get that reluctance to ask is facing the pain of all the times i needed help and didnt get it, so i must feel the grief and release it, which brings me one step closer to freedom from my past everytime i do this. and yes i did'nt get like this overnight so its gonna take time to process. i just want to thank you for sharing, i feel like you're my sister in recovery. like they say...together we can! love and best wishes.
I know this is a few days later, however, thanks. I need a sister in recovery. I do hope you are feeling better. What you say is true, to make room for healthier more caring people really does work. Thanks for brightening my day too. You take care
Hugs, Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
