Could you help me understand....My boyfriend is an alcoholic...I am an al anon er....
What is the eye opening experience like when one finally realises that they want to be sober? How is it different from times before when it didn't really lead to sobriety?
I used to think he could chose to go to meetings and follow a recovery plan and could have a good sober life, but now I'm starting to think that only HP can decide when the time is right for this, that it is not actually in the individuals power to decide.
Alcohol is not a problem until it is a problem for the person drinking. If your boyfriend has been in and out of rehab and/or AA then I think there are two possible reasons:
He hasn't had enough
He is too frightened to do what is necessary to get sober - the 12 steps.
For me it was a moment of clarity - of God's grace - that led me to put down the bottle. But I couldn't have left it put down if I hadn't worked hard on those 12 steps.
Not drinking is not a viable subsitute for drinking. Only a complete relearning of pretty much everything keeps me sober.
For me, there came a crystal clear moment in my drunken thinking when I knew that I simply couldn't carry on as I was.
I was frightened of not drinking, but I was more frightened of carrying on drinking. I was losing friends and loved ones and I knew that I had to change. Nobody could have made me change. It had to come from within me.
God bless.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I FINALLY got sick and tired of being sick and tired......going to work still drunk, or hungover or just not going to work and then feeling soooooo guilty about feeling like shit! and not being able to do what I needed to do, care for my son, my home, wondering what I'd said and to who... who I'd called??? who I'd emailed??? who I'd cursed out??. that gut wrenching feeling was the one I was sick and tired of feeling.....it took over 20yrs me, but better late than never.
Peace!
-- Edited by Doll at 09:20, 2006-10-20
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
been on both sides of this, there are as many reasons to sober up as people in the program, it a bit of a mystery why some get it and others dont. for me the first time i read our "bigbook" i got it that i was a true alcoholic and had to get on board or die or worse, {there is worse} . i have also been in your shoes, so after years of sobriety i ended up going to alanon cause my true love relasped and couldnt get back on track. i couldnt stop loving him. and the agony of this was making me nuts. i will never forget that first alanon meeting. those women were so kind and really understood how much i loved him and how much this hurt. they taught me lots, its a really wonderful program. the best thing of all was learning i wasnt an idiot for loving him. i felt such a fool at times , when he was drunk once and went to the corner store in our neighborhood, the people who ran the store were concerned and phoned me. i felt humiliated. i could go on but im sure you get the point. it wasnt a happy ending, i had to let him go and thought it would kill me for a long time. he isnt the same anymore cause his disease has taken lots from him. i will always love who "we" were and am grateful to have known such love. i have finally healed, my heart is mine again. weirdly, i am also grateful it did take such a long time, cause to me it means that the love was very real and strong. im proud of who i am today. the lesson isnt one i would have picked, but the result is worth it. i send my love and best wishes to you.
