When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. -- Franklin D Roosevelt
Newcomer:- Initially, I was excited about recovery. I felt better for a while. I hate to say it, but now that I'm not at the beginning any more, everything seems worse. I feel more cynical than ever.
Sponsor:- What you're experiencing is part of the process of recovery. Many of us go through a "honeymoon" phase in early recovery. Our craving may feel miraculously lifted. Change feels easy, and hope replaces despair.
Then, life feels difficult again. We may perceive ourselves as having gotten worse, but that's not accurate. What's really happening is that, though our addictive craving has been treated, we still have our old problems, habits, and states of mind. We may be getting through the day, showing up for our work responsibilities, attending meetings, but not having much fun. We may wonder if what we've heard is really true -- that "our worst day in recovery is better than our best day of active addiction." We may wonder whether recovery really is the answer after all.
Our doubt makes clear to us that we have to do something. Staying where we are is too uncomfortable. We can attend a Step meeting and read program literature to begin to familiarize ourselves with our next Step. For spirits in need of healing, Step work leads to the next phase of recovery.
Today, I have the courage to move forward in my journey of recovery.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
With the Disease of Alcoholism being only the Tip of the Iceburg, or the Big Bandage over the massive Boo Boo, I have clear recall of so much of those first years, especially that first year, with the thought of O. K. I agree, that I will not Drink, even if my ass falls off, and NO MATTER WHAT, I will not pick up a drink, Praying daily for the strength to do that, and it did come to Pass, that I made it through without Picking up a drink, but there was this little humorous almost thought that would always follow that agreement that NO MATTER WHAT, and Just for today, I will not pick up a drink, in Spite of now that I am aware of what was under that band-aide, and under the water, with the iceburg theory, well God sure did understand that is was Now, that I could use a drink to calm myself down with all that was glaring back at me. But the "old solution to the Problem" would no longer fix the Problem, that is where Faith began in my life.
That was the "me" stuff, and I was learning not to trust the "me me" stuff, and would instead turn to the Steps, for the answers, the Powerlessness, yep, sure had that one, and then the concept of turning all of this "me" stuff over to the care of God, as I understand God.
Early Recovery for this Alke was very difficult, but worth ever second of every painful moment, to rid myself, with His Help, to continue with the Steps, and after doing a knee-knocking 4th Step, in a Fifth Step, gained confidence at last that Yes, I believe I can be a real Part of this Program, and a new confidence that I could continue with these Steps, all the way through. I wanted Sobriety more than I wanted anything else, and finally was willing to go to any lengths, do what ever it took, with a Mysterious Force leading the way, and just kept following that Mysterious Force, that was my Higher Power, that I choose to call God, working all the time in my life today, and so humbled by this gift, in this 24 hours.
