I've been trying so hard for the last year to quit drinking and still I find myself going back. I don't know what to do and it's definately ruining my life. I was up to 5 months at one point then slipped, then 30 days and slipped and back up to a couple months and slipped. It's a recurring theme for me. Are there any answers, because if there are, I don't have them. I hate myself. I've let my drinking ruin my relationship with prolly the best woman I've ever known, I've let my family down and most of all I keep letting myself down, I can't stand it any more. It hurts so much and I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate drinking yet, I keep doing it. Please if there is anyone out there who understands what I'm saying/going through, get back to me. TIA!!
Scroll down and read Common Misconceptions, posted yesterday. In that thread is a most wonderful post by Joni, sharing her perspective on this disease, and it really cuts to the chase.
We're alcoholics, drinking comes naturally for us. In the beginning, it's sobriety that feels un-natural. Given time, coupled with meetings, a good sponsor, and the 12 Steps, sobriety starts to feel like the natural way to live, makes it easier to respond to life's circumstances differently.
It was hard for alot of us at first. In and out, in and out. The program helped me to develope a strong spiritual life (not to be confused with religious). It is the spirituality of AA, and the people who share that spirituality, that keeps me grounded. Without that, I've no idea where I'd be. Keep coming back and talking, but again I recommend reading that post by Joni, it makes it so clear. You are welcome to PM me if you'd like, a hug, Wren (chris)
__________________
"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
OMG, that is so right on, I'll take it a step further...I'm afraid to face life without a drink. But more and more I'm begining to be afraid to take a drink because more and more I feel like I see no end in sight but the end. I'm very depressed right now. I go to meeting but am to ashamed to ask for help or a sponser. How do I overcome this?
In asking for a sponsor, I think my biggest fear was that they would say "hell no" while running in the opposite direction. I was a mean little sh** when I made it thru the doors, so I sat and listened, watched, and I picked the person that had what I wanted. And she was even tougher than I thought I was. That was over twenty years ago, and even tho we're two states apart, she's the one I still go to with my doodoo. She doesn't let me get away with squat. It's what I needed.
I had to look at which fear was biggest---my fear of never seeing 40, or my fear of rejection or humiliation. Even if you ask for temporary sponsorship until you find someone you really connect with, and get some phone numbers so that you can call someone when you're feeling shaky, that'll get you going. Working the steps. Prayer. Remember, almost all of us were terrified of everything when we walked thru those doors, me included. My first year was " I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic. I think I'll just listen tonight". It takes what it takes. Keep posting, everyone here has been thru it. hugs, Chris
__________________
"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
A lot of us have been there. I can only speak for myself. I had 14 months sober w/o a program. Then on & off for the next two years. I'm one week sober right now. (Actually, nine days). AND HP willing--I won't drink today. That's all I can really think about now. One day at a time.
Been going to daily meetings, sometimes twice a day. I don't want to get my 24-hour chip because I don't trust myself anymore. I'm tired of disapointing myself, let alone friends & family. I don't believe myself anymore. It's a horrible feeling.
However, I'll say this. Slowly, ever so slowly, the self respect is seeping back in. I gotta say it feels good.
You guy's are great. I'm in a bad place right now trying to pull myself out. I really hate what drinking has done to me and my life. But, honestly when do say say enough is enough. How far do you have to fall before your sick of falling. I mean, I'm not suicidal or anything but the thought has crossed my mind, dont know if I could do it or not but I know I cant continue with the way I am. Life really ucks for me right now. Thanks for listening.
Lordy, Lordy! You certainly remind me of me. I have been/not been working at sobriety for nearly a decade now. In and out. A year here, nine months there, thirty days here, a week there. I'm at two months in a couple of days now and feeling very good about it. I go to meetings and have a sponsor with 19 years who has been a friend even when I've gone out. I apologize to him and he says: " No need to apologize. When you and others do that it reminds me of how much I don't want to, and it helps keep me sober." Don't be afraid to ask for one at a meeting. It's what they know as being "in service" and enjoy helping someone who is truly desiring to be sober. I don't know if this reflects the way you feel, but whenever I went to drink again I'd always rationalize it. "I know what I did wrong last time and how it got out of hand. I just won't let that happen again." It just doesn't work that way. I am an alcoholic. I cannot drink like a normal person...EVER! I hope this has finally gotten through my thick, addict skull. I believe that it has. One thing that has helped me though. I was born without an altered conciousness. All of us were with the exception of those whose mom was using in one form or another at our birth. It is the way life is meant to be.
Good fortune to you...Tim
__________________
"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Well I believe all of us here could completely relate to your questions.
One of the best descriptions of Alcoholism for me, is the description of Rooms full of People that Cannot, Not Drink. Here comes the Solution, the AA Program, a Sponsor, and the truly Inspired 12 Steps of AA. Working those step diligently has help countless numbers of us, just not pick up that drink, for 24 hours, working the Steps, and continuing to not pick up a drink in any 24 hour period that we are in. Many of us call Recovering Alcoholics Miracles, for that is what we do, as people that cannot, not drink, by the Miracle of the 12 Step Program, that is what we do. Recovery is hard work, but the rewards are so incredible. Some days I think about what it was like, before I truly surrendered to this 12 Step Program, and I am in absolute awe that the Disease did not take my life.
I relapsed in this AA Program for over 10 years, and know exactly what you are talking about, but it is the Progression of this Disease that you might want to look into, I believe there are 5 stages to this Disease.
If quiting involved just not drinking, and we were able to do that, then it would be something other than an Disease. I want to read about those Common Misconceptions myself.
The reason I mentioned the Progression, is that in the AA Book, it talks about all Alcoholics having to "Hit a Bottom". And as the years go by, I am definitely noticing people that have not Lost everything, are turning their lives around. I personally took this Disease, or this Disease took me very close to the end of the line. The bottom I hit was what some would call the Basement, and no one today, has to travel into that dark, horrible place, where the Disease has you, and you are down for the Count.
The first 164 pages of the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is written so clearly, all of us can see ourselves in our stuggles with this Disease.
So, I am Praying that you find a Meeting, and attend everyday, and watch the Miracle begin in your life.
A Great Big Hug to you dear, and hope so much you stay here with us too, this is an incredible support site, for all of us, no matter where we are at.
Thank you guy's so much. It is easier for me to spill my guts in this kind of forum. I'm headed to a meeting tonight, I usually sit in the back. Maybe I will try the front tonight. I will keep in touch here. I so desire to be clean and sober...before it kills me. Thanks again. Talk to you all very soon.
Im addicted to alcohol..and I cant drink it...:) Some days I'd like to...but the consequenses would likely be brutal.:) and the bottom of the "Hell Pit" wouldnt be far away...
All the best to you....one day at a time...
__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Enuff Z Nuff wrote: . How far do you have to fall before your sick of falling.
I fell till I hit the bottom, over and over, the bottom kept rising up to meet me! I had 10 months then relapsed..... Finally figured out it was time to get active in my own recovery. ........Welcome Enuff. I'm glad you're here........ btw: it's hard (to quit) b/c I'm an alcoholic. ;)
-- Edited by Doll at 06:06, 2006-10-06
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I was a serial relapser for a long time, both in and out of AA. I was determined that I could beat my alcoholism by will-power. But, of course I couldn't! I hit my rock bottom in November of last year and came so very close to loosing everything that I hold so dear. There are still areas of my life which have been so badly affected by my alcoholism and I'm working on those on a daily basis. But, at least for today, I am sober.
You mentioned that it hurts so much. Yes, it does. I was hurting so badly that I truly didn't want to live any more. I couldn't imagine living without a drink and I knew that living with alcohol was ruining my life and those around me.
When I first came back to AA I was too afraid to ask for any sort of help. Then, it gradually dawned on me that I was limiting my chances of getting and staying sober with my attitude. Now, I have a wonderful sponsor and my life is getting better. Yours will too. Heck, if I can get sober then so can you.
Please keep posting here and letting us know how it is going for you. These days will pass. They really will.
Take very good care of yourself, won't you? You are worth it.
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
You mentioned that it hurts so much. Yes, it does. I was hurting so badly that I truly didn't want to live any more.
Carol
That's kinda where I'm at right now. Can't really take the pain but, I still have a lot to live for. I'm 24 hrs. sober and gonna take it one day at a time right now. Kinda shaking a little this morning but hopefully there is a higher power working for me and I'll get through this day. Thanks for being here all!
I read abover hwere you mentioned you are trying to 'pull YOURSELF out of this'... That right there is what I have tried to do, to no avail, and STILL sometimes try to do. That is why it is a "WE" program. I can't stay sober for one stinkin' day on my own, by myself, of my own efforts. But when I muster up the courage to grab another recovering alcoholic, who DOES have the power to pull me up, therein lies the solution. And it really is just as simple as that.
I believe my Higher Power did not create me to live a life of solitude. He put people in my path to learn from... if I don't reach out to them, I learn nothing. You may or may not have heard this story, but I am going to share it...
A man was standing on the front porch of his house, and flood waters started to rise. He couldn't swim, and he prayed to God, "Please help me, and take me to safety." A man in a canoe came by and said, "Hop in!! Let me get you out of here!!" The man said, "No, thanks, God is going to rescue me, because I prayed for help. And the canoe sailed on.
The water continued to rise, and the man climbed thge stairs of the house inside, and was hanging out one of the second-story bedroom windows. "Please, God, HELP ME!!! Bring me to safety!!!" A man in a fishing boat floated by and yelled, "Hop in!!!" The man hollered back, "No thanks, I have prayed to God and He is going to save me, any minute!!" The man in the fishing boat floated away.
Soon, the water rose to where the entire house was covered. The man climbed up onto the roof of the house, which was no longer even visible, and completely under water. The man cried out to God, "PLEASE!!!!! GOD!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!" A helicopter flew by and hovered over the man and his now-submerged home. A loud speaker rang out, "Grab onto the rope, sir, and we will take you to saftey!!!" But still the man yelled back, "No thank you... God is going to show up any minute to save me!!!"
The man did indeed drown, and upon arriving at the Peraly Gates, he said to God, "Where were you, Lord?? I called our for help 3 times and you never showed up!!" The Lord shook His head, and replied, "My Dear Child, I sent you a canoe, a fishing boat and a helicopter... but you just would not take anyone's hand....."
Hope this makes sense. Life is not a ME program. It is a We program. God sends us people, and those are the answers to our prayers.
Enuff Z Nuff wrote: OMG, that is so right on, I'll take it a step further...I'm afraid to face life without a drink. But more and more I'm begining to be afraid to take a drink because more and more I feel like I see no end in sight but the end. I'm very depressed right now. I go to meeting but am to ashamed to ask for help or a sponser. How do I overcome this?
Hi there, I found for me, when I was to shy to ask directly for help I did it in a share, and people came to me... we have all been there, My thoughts are with you
