I called into work (again) today. I didn't go to work Friday, either. I have no sick days left, they were all used up when I had surgery over the summer, so I'll be written up. I called in BEFORE my boss gets in so I could just leave him a voice mail and not have to talk to him...This is the first day I've gotten off the couch or outta bed since I got off work Thursday, I guess it's a start........I just can't get a handle on things.......I took the keys to my son's truck and he chose to stay with his dad for a while........I can't seem to listen to what my b/f is saying but I hear his actions loud and clear, and his words & actions are total opposite of each other..........I feel sick inside........I feel guilty for not going to work.......My house looks like a goat exploded in it..Can't remember the last time I ate......I just don't care.........about anything......I have cried for 2 days and don't really know why for sure.........Am I depressed? Should I see a doctor? Am I just letting life kick my ass right now? .......... I NEVER get to the be the one that falls apart. I have to keep everything together.......There's no one here to take care of ME but me........pity pot? probably! ...........Even on my worst drunk day I never felt this bad........
HELP!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
That's how I felt last week. I know if left on my own, I will sink low again too.
Can you pull yourself together enough - put on a pair of sneakers & go for a walk.
I heard once that Bill W. went for long walks to combat depression. Not sure if it's true, but it helps me.
Or get to a meeting. Call your sponsor....You should not be alone right now. Glad you posted, but I'm still lost in my recovery to give much more advice. I'm sure someone here will post more.
I had several weeks straight of this horrid darkness you are speaking of, Doll, not too long ago. I agree with what CAM said, about walking.
I was going to meetings, calling my sponsor, praying... nothing seemed to help. I knew I was going to have to wait this one out... but I KNEW somewhere deep down that it WOULD get better. I did get my headphones out, with some really powerful chick-music playing, and I walked so fast and hard here in my neighborhood, I felt like I was 'running away from' the darkness, and in a good way. The natural chemicals that were released in my brain and body were enough to keep me feeling much better for the entire day. Just a half-hour was all it took. It was like I had lost control over my emotions entirely, and walking with a PURPOSE helped me to get a lot of power back.
Please don't give up... this too shall pass, you have been around long enough to KLNOW, without a DOUBT, that it WILL, Doll. No matter what the other people in your life are doing, grab your sponsor, grab your running shoes, and grab onto a prayer.. "God, help me to get through today, NO MATTER WHAT."
Well my input would be to talk to a Professional, like starting with your own Doctor maybe about finding someone like a Phycologist. This behavior is SO unlike the Doll that I have gotten to know over this last year.
Yes, I agree with all the above. And can even recall calling my own Therapist many years ago with the identical symtoms, and her advice to me was "get up, get out of the house, and walk, and just keep walking", but I had seen her for so many years in Therapy, she knew me very well. Did I do it, the walking, No, too depressed to follow her advice.
Being in that place where it feels like No One Understands, and No One is On our Side, even when the truth is that we do have others, but cannot feel them, when we get down into that dark place. Crying out of control, not eating, and calling in sick, and if this is where you have been since Thursday afternoon. I do have to tell you, I was wondering in the last few days, where you were, considering how things were, the last time we heard from you.
Sounds like you have fallen into a dark hole, and cannot see your way out.
I do believe I see a little ray of Sunshine, you are reaching out to us here. Talking about it, and that is HUGE Jen. So possible this is you just putting your foot on that little ladder that will carry you up, slowly.
Something I wanted to share with you, about what my Therapist said to me so many years ago, that really helped me. And that was, if we stay with a feeling, and honor that feeling, there is a GUARANTEE that this Feeling will turn into a NEW Feeling.
Am Praying for you Jen, you are my Sister in Recovery, and anything I can do, I am here. Just want you to know that. Private Message me anytime, if you want.
Scary times for you, and hope that it helps to know that some of us, many of us probably, have been down in that hole. This too Shall Pass, guarantee you that it Will.
Wish I could just walk over to your house, and help you, open the windows, clean your dishes, and just Listen.
God is Right there with you, and in spite of how you are "Feeling", you are NOT ALONE Jen, just try to breath that in.
Your Friend, Toni
Darkest before the Dawn, just popped into my thoughts. Praying for the Dawn to Break soon.
Thank you all so much, for once again being my light at the end of this dark tunnel. I felt a tiny bit better until the school bus came and went and my son wasn't on it, he promised me last night he'd come home today.........oh well............Oh! Phil, sorry. I forgot to mention in my post I've also turned off the phone. Thanks for the calls, it helps...........Keep the prayers coming? I think I might be beginning to feel them.
Love and hugs to you all
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I get the same thing when I pray...but the message is always
"Take a number Stupid" "theres 2,423,099 ahead of you"
Gotta change to another frequency...
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Yaaaaa....You miss him....thats normal hu? Have the best night you can..."YOU ARE NOT ALONE" Turn on the tunes...not the cryin stuff...the rock and roll ..with the broom stuff ehhhh
or...terrorize the town....its likely too quiet anyway...lol VROOM!!!
-- Edited by Phil at 16:30, 2006-10-02
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Thanks for the calls, it helps...........Keep the prayers coming? I think I might be beginning to feel them.