I'm actually really wanting to go to meetings now, and get together with my sponsor to do stepwork and all that... I was supposed to meet with my sponsor yesterday, and also supposed to go to my mom's, I was actually considering meeting with my sponsor over going to my mom's, but then my sponsor wound up with family plans too and so we postponed and I went to my mom's. Then I hated that I couldn't get to a meeting because I was at my mom's, I kept looking at my watch and thinking, "if I leave now I can make it to this meeting" but I stayed at mom's til about 9, thought about going to a 10pm meeting but then we had company when I got home...
So today, I'd told myself Friday, if I don't get up and go to church Sunday morning, I'll go to evening service. I've been wanting to start going to church, and my counselor (a church counselor where I'm going to go to church) keeps telling me, well if you don't get up you can always go to evening service. I really do want to go. But it starts the same time I leave for my meeting. Finally made a decision, I'm going to church. Considering going to another meeting at 8 at another group I've gone to a couple of times.
It's just weird, used to I had no problem skipping a meeting when I had other plans, and now I just really really want to go to these meetings and hate missing them. And although I can go to this other meeting tonight, it's not the same as going to my homegroup where I have friends and know everyone. And it's not that I NEED the meeting, ya know, I mean I need them, but it's not like I won't be ok if I don't go, I'm doing really good and could miss a meeting, all it is is that I want to go to the meeting.
That's funny, the counselor I found is affiliated with a church, to, and of course the first thing he suggested was getting back into it. My sponsor didnt get back into church for over ten years, and now he recognizes it as a cornerstone in his life, along with AA and NA. I dont wanna wait that long. The thing I think of, is the spiritual malady manifests in the physical and mental, I have seen this to be true, then getting faithful with worshipping the God that freed me from all this, seems like common sense. So I see the counselor's point, even though I was hoping to kinda slip on by for a while longer. But, for me, church was absolutely too much in my first days of sobriety, with my brain still fevered, I forced myself through it for a while, tangoing with religion, as opposed to earnest worship can screw up a drunk.(or anyone else)
My counselor only pushes it because when I came in 3 months ago I told him I wanted to start going to church again, I've been seeing him for 7 years off and on, and he never pushed it before, so now it's only because he knew I wanted to.
I'm glad I went, it was really great, actually a lot of it I could relate to working with others in AA, we were talking about evangelism and how we need to change the way we do it and stuff, and the way they were saying to do it was how we work with newcomers, telling where we've been, and (in evangelising) telling what god has done for us. Rather than saying God will give you this this this and this, ya know? Like it doesn't work to pound into someone's head what AA will do for you, you have to tell them and show them what AA has done for you. After church my counselor asked what I thought and I told him I related a lot of it to AA, which is good, because sermons make more sense when I can relate them to something in my every day life. He wants to talk more on it when I see him Wednesday.
It sounds as if your meetings have become exceptionally important to you. Awesome. I went thru a similar situation a few months back. My favorite HG meeting is at 8:30am on Sundays. Which meant if I made the meeting I wouldn't make church due to driving distance. I was torn as to where I should be. I spoke w/my sponsor and she suggested I not try to kill myself doing it all, so now one week I make the meeting and the next week I make church.
You'll work it out. Just keep fighting the good fight.
Hugs
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
You know, I really have to THANK y'all... I posted this same thing at another group, and you know what happened? They jumped all over my case, told me I shouldn't miss a meeting to go to church this early in sobriety, that I shouldn't miss any meetings at all, that I should be making myself get up for noon meetings as well as night meetings, the whole 90/90 thing, which I agree is great for some, but isn't necessary for all, 90/90 isn't what's going to make you sober, you know? They jumped all over me. They missed the point of my post. I wasn't really stating to them "OK, I'm purposely missing a meeting" I was stating "Wow, it's so important to me now to go to meetings" you know? And they just went off on me.
I called my friend that goes to that group and was like "They're jumping on me a little again" and he's like "A LITTLE?! They're going to town with what you wrote!"
One person even said she sees contradictions in what I write in my posts, and what I say in chat. I asked my friend about that and he said all they're trying to do is get to me and criticize me. I don't see any contradictions there, I'm open and honest in what I say in chat and what I post on the message board. I speak from the heart and tell them what's going on.
I didn't go to the later meeting I'd considered going to last night, I called my sponsor after church and told her how great it was, how I really connected to the sermon and everything, and she asked if I was going to that meeting at that other group, and I told her, I dunno, I really want to just sit and write for awhile, write about church and all that, and she was like "that's great that it hit you like that, it's ok if you don't go to the meeting".
What the people in the other group don't understand is not everyone's the same. Not everyone needs the same number of meetings. They jumped on me for me saying I'd be ok if I missed a meeting, and said when you say that, that's when you need a meeting. Well, I talk to my sponsor when I'm going to miss a meeting, and if she thinks I don't need to miss it, that I really need to go, I change my plans and I go. But she understands I need to miss them for family plans, nephew's soccer games, church, whatever, and she sees nothing wrong with it. I've been doing really good lately, if I was doing bad and asked her about skipping a meeting to go to church, she probably would've said go to the meeting instead, or make sure I go to that later meeting. I listen to her, not all these people in that other online group that jump on me and think they know me so well...
Sorry, I guess I'm kinda venting... I'm just so happy this place isn't like that. I'm so happy I've found support and understanding here. I'm about to the point that I won't even go to that other group anymore, and I hate that because there ARE some really good people there. I try not to let it get to me, but it's not so much that it gets to me, it does at first, but mostly it just shocks me, that people can be like that, you know?
Anyway, thank you so much for not treating me like that, and for not ever jumping all over me like that.
