well hope u are my friends after i tell u this. im so bad. im so ashamed. i been feeling so down and sick and weird these last few days. feel better now. except only if for one thing. (please don't kill me.) i had one. just one rum. i know.. im a failure. i am going to the meeting on tuesday though. there isn't one tonight. i felt so guilty. i couldn't keep it from u guys. if u want to kick me out of this forum.... i totally understand. god, the guilt attached to one now. maybe that is a good thing. im kinda affraid to read what is coming to me. but.. go for it. i deserve it. but, try not to be mean. please. i cry easily.
It's your business if you wanna drink. It's our business if ya wanna stop. If you weren't honest about your drinking, you wouldnt get anywhere anyway. So keep coming back! Make that next meeting.
thanks and yur right. i have allways been honest. right up to telling my family and friends how bad and how much i drank on my worst nights of drinking.
DK, hey, you aren't a failure and you aren't bad. You have a bad disease. Don't confuse who you are with what you do, eh? We each have our shortcomings, places we fall short? But we get so wound up in having way too high expectations of ourselves. And when we don't meet our own expectations, we are harder on us than anyone else can be. Not all of us walked into AA and got sober "right now" and stayed that way. I, for one, bounced in and out for quite some time. Now, I have alot of days, weeks, etc. strung together. If I make a bad decision, that can all change just as fast. That's why I love that saying " the person with the most sobriety is the one who got up the earliest". It's a day by day thing, connecting 24 hours at a time. Be gentle with yourself. Every day's a new day. Jeez, I think I just managed to get, like, three book titles in this, LOL. Big hug, Wren (chris)
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Hey girl, don't worry about it. Like everyone else said, we're not gonna give you any crap about it, we've all been there. I've been in and out of AA since June. Finally have 46 days now, but it took awhile before I was ready for AA. Just KEEP COMING BACK! And do it one day at a time! Pick yourself up and start over. Get to a meeting. Do you have a meeting book? where it tells all the meetings in your city and what days/times they are? Get one of those. If your meeting you've been going to doesn't have a meeting when you need one, get that book out and find another meeting. I'm sure unless you're in a very small town, you can find a meeting almost any time of the day, every day. Keep on trying sweetie, just start over.
i didnt get it right away, lots of learning the hard way . its okay, just dont give up . i got a lot of years in now but it didnt come easy! keep posting! love cindy
Please don't beat yourself up about taking that drink. At the end of the day, drinking is what we alcoholics do best.
I kept relapsing and promising myself a fresh start when I first came back to AA. It took me a few months to really 'get' the program and for the desire to drink to leave me. But, thankfully, it has left me and I have been sober for nearly eight months now.
I did my best to learn from what had triggered me to drink so that I would be stronger next time the same trigger happened.
Today is a whole new day. Today is meant to be enjoyed. It's the only October 1st 2006 we are ever going to have. Make it a good one for yourself.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Every time I picked up again, I had to look at what I had not fully commited to this recovery thing, and then make another go at it. We can use our relapses either to destroy us, or to teach us what it is that's missing from our recovery journey.
Most of us, to recover, needed just a few vital things:
A sponsor to contact every single day,
A meeting for every day that we drank (for me, that was every day),
And a simple prayer each day, of "Higher Power, whoever you are, please keep me sober".
Today is a new day, Kittn. This is the 24 hours that counts.
We have not met, my name is Toni, and I am, just like you, an Alcoholic.
share Wren's thoughts, be gentle with yourself, we have a "bad" Disease.
We are not 'Bad', period. The AMA, American Medical Association, classifies Alcoholism, as a Medical Illness, When we are in the throws of this disease, we think it is a moral thing, if I was a better person, then I could stop, right??? WRONG!!!
Let me ask you something, if you were speaking to someone with another Medical illness, say MS, would you ever, ever think to yourself, wow, how did this person do this to themselves??
Of course you would not.
This Board is a Dedicated Recovery Site sweetie, we are here for all Alcoholics that are suffering in and out of the Program. As you stay around you will understand that we would never ever ever ever judge you.
If you can find your way to a meeting, and also the Reading of the first 164 pages of the book of Alcoholic's Anonymous, you would find yourself in there, promise, and just like Ryan wrote to someone the other day, that I thought was "Bull's Eye" Those pages are written, JUST FOR YOU. I think we all recall our first glimpse of this pages, and the deep inside relief of know that we we not alone, yep, that's right, we are NOT ALONE, we do this Program together, you and I, right now, and when you are speaking anyone in the AA Program, you are carrying the message in your own way too.
So my Prayers go out to you, and hope that you can detach from the "Moral Issues" You have a Disease Called Alcoholism, treatable with AA Meetings, and a Sponsor, and the 12 Steps of this Recovery Program.
Sometimes when I am sitting in a meeting, the thought crosses my mind, Wow, we are a group of one of thousands, of People that "Cannot, not drink" but through the Miracle of this Program and a Loving God that is clearly with us, in every meeting, we that "cannot, not drink", some how are continuing to NOT Drink, one day at a time. And we do not have anything beyond this 24 hours. Yesterday is long gone, no one knows what tomorrow holds, a mystery to all of us, but we do have TODAY.
So I am looking forward to hopefully seeing so much more of you here, and so happy that you are here with us today, being honest, that is all any of us can do.
hi friends:
