I'm doing better. Went to a meeting yesterday & then saw a friend perform. It was at a bar but I didn't drink. I had non-alcoholic beer. I know some people of different views on this but it's what I did & I'm sooooo glad I did. Cheered me up to see some of the drunks acting so stupid....lol. I was sober.
Saw a few old friends, felt good.
Turns out there's a few of them who are sober now too :)
Toni asked if I had a sponsor? NO. I would like to get one but the meetings in my small town there doesn't seem to be anyone I would be able to trust. I really need someone to talk to about all this sometimes.
I've heard of online sponsors? I know it isn't really the right way to do it, but it would be a baby step for me? Work my way up to f2f sponsor.....i dunno
I believe face to face is where to Language of the Heart is spoken. All I have to be able to 'trust' early in sobriety, is that the sponsor I choose knows how to stay sober one day at a time and has worked the steps. The 4th and 5th Steps are still a ways away, Christine. I feel someone, ANY woman with some sobriety through the steps right now, just to get you through the pangs of early recovery, and Steps 1, 2 and 3, is VITAL.
Just my opinion, as this was passed down to me by countless others who have stayed sober much longer than I. Just pray about it.
I'm so glad that you are doing better and went to a meeting yesterday.
I'm really lucky that I have a great sponsor. I really need that lady if I want to keep my sobriety. I don't know that having an on-line sponsor would work for me, but perhaps it would be better than not having one.
I completely agree with all that Joni said about having a sponsor and it's so essential to get the first three steps behind you. I felt so very much better when I had done them, especially my first step.
Please take care and let us know how it goes for you, won't you?
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Way to go, Christine. I would find a temp. sponsor until I found the person that clicked with me. Somebody with time that can be supportive and atleast get you moving on the Steps. I've had a sponsor for twenty plus years, and even tho we live in different states now, we do alot of phone time. I could never find anyone else that I meshed with quite the same way up here in WA., so I have a few supportive friends, but have kept her as my main sponsor. Call her Mama Colletta. It's something to pray about. Just listen at meetings, and grab the woman who has something to say, something she does, that you'd like to "have" in your program until you find the woman who you feel is the right one. Online sponsorship is too iffy---you can never be sure you're really getting what you see, yknow? Too hard to tell if they walk their talk when you aren't face to face, and if it's someone who doesn't, you could end up with really hurt feelings. Your HP will guide you to the right person. In the meantime, you are doing so well. hugs Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Well I too share what Joni wrote, I would look for someone that has quality sobriety, and then ask her. Trust is something that most Alcoholics have a difficult time with, when looking for a Sponsor, if at all possible, try if you can to separate the two. The Sponsor is there for only one reason, as a guide through the Steps, the relationship (my opinion) grows, as we work the Steps together. Uncharted waters, and she has been there, so all you need to do is Trust that she will help you go through the Steps. The rest, the trust between the two of you, would be something that would grow.
Today in my relationships with others, I find Trust as something that comes in time, we cannot possible trust someone that we don't know, and time will reveal that to us.
What can work, is just Trust God, that will happen in a very Powerful way, when the steps are undertaken.
When I came into the Program, for good, Trust was a real big issue, I could not trust anyone, and more than anything, I could not Trust myself. I had not learned how to Trust and Love myself, the Steps take us there.
Am Praying that you can overcome this hurdle, and if you are referring to doing the fourth step with someone, well it is written about in the AA Bigbook, that the 4th Step can be taken with someone other that your Sponsor, the book asks us to be very careful who we go to with this work that we have done. If you have a 12 x 12, then you could read about this in the 4th Step chapther.
My Love and Prayers to you, Christine, and so so glad you are here with us.
Dittos to all that. I'm in a small town here too, Christine, and my go arounds included the pain of going through godawful struggles of someone who has been everywhere and seen a little of everything, and the people I had to face up to, in my mind, where a bunch of simple minded redneck hicks who wouldnt know mexico on a map, and dont have anything better to do than screw their buddies wife and gossip about each other, much less help me. Boy was I wrong. Big time. They didnt change, my perspective did. My last battle got uglier than anything I could have ever imagined and had to keep going back to face those people with everything hanging out. People are just people, and they have all been through the same damn things and have all seen ugly. Keep going back, dont artificially override your common sense and natural defenses and reactions, those things will readjust as your perspective does. As a matter of fact, it hurts me to see people who could use this program, and who cant see past the small town thing and what so and so thinks.. "I would go to a meeting.. I think about my drinking, but.. their's so and so goes their, and we dont like each other" "So what? Their there to get sober just like you" " No, you just dont understand......" Oh, but I do... But what can I say?. Any lengths.. cant just wave a magic wand and give willingness to someone. They have to get willing on their own. All you can do is offer the water along with the liquor and tell 'em it's good. Ive done typed past my lunch break. what was the question again?
Thank you for the good advice. I will "shop" around for a sponsor. You're right, Ryan. It's not like it's that small of a town here. There are plenty of meetings, i've made the rounds....lol.
I'll pray on it & I'll find one somewhere eventually.....
I feel like I've turned a corner here....feeling A LOT better. Somebody at the meeting today asked about antidepressants & it was brought out that Bill W. took long walks to help with his depression.
I'm living on a huge beautiful piece of property here. duh!!! Even going to the mailbox is a nice little stroll.......
