I'm already feeling better after crashing earlier today. When I talked to my sponsor, she said that overwhelming need to cry is just emotions, and when you're getting sober your emotions are screwed up and you might just want to cry out of the blue for no reason. She said it happened to her a lot. So at least I'm not crazy lol
Anyway, I went to my meeting tonight, still was feeling pretty down. Actually jumped in and shared first, when the chair person asked who wanted to start us off!! Big step for me. Everyone was shocked. One guy that's never even talked to me but has been there since I started coming came up and told me how proud he was of me and how much I'm changing. One girl, who's been nagging me to start sharing, she came up to me after the meeting and said she almost fell out of her chair when I spoke up, she looked at Shelby, the guy sitting next to her who had chaired the noon meeting, and he told her I jumped in at the noon meeting too. When she shared tonight, we were talking about being "happy, joyous, and free" and when it was her turn, the first thing she said was "happiness tonight is Lisa jumping up and sharing first, there's a lot of sobriety in here tonight". The whole experience just made me feel so good. Because it's not just them seeing the changes in me, I'm seeing them too.
When I talked to my sponsor tonight, I was telling her how I'm just making all these new realizations lately, things about myself, and life in general, it just all makes sense to me now. Like today, it just hit me - It's ok to have bad days and bad feelings. It's not the end of the world if I get down. I have to feel those things, if I didn't I wouldnt' enjoy the good days, I wouldn't enjoy being happy if it weren't for the bad things that go with it. When I get down, I just have to feel those things, fight them off to the point of not dwelling on it, not letting myself get too far down, but not completely fight them off, I need to feel those things sometimes. She told me all these things that are coming to me are spiritual experiences. I know what a spiritual experience is, I knew when I had one before, but I didn't realize all this was spiritual experiences - a vast change in outlook on life - she said I'll have lots of many little spiritual experiences like these, and it's good that I'm starting to have them.
She told me tonight it's like she's talking to a completely different person, that I've changed even from when she talked to me yesterday... She said every day it's something new, something's different. And I can see it too, every day I feel like a totally new person. It's good... but it feels really weird.
Hi there, what a wonderful share, and isn't it nice to know that more good things are coming? When we are first sober, everyday is such a new experience, and a lot of it is really good, yeah, we get the emotions, oh God, did I ever!! I finally got up the nerve to ask God to take away all the pain I was feeling and I cried for 6 months!! You could dress me up, but you couldn't take me anywhere! I was pretty embarrassed at first, but then slowly I could begin to bear the pain I was feeling, it really helped!! Our emotions are just that, they won't hurt us, we just needed permission to live thru them. Sounds like you are going great guns on the path to good sobriety!! Good for you, take care, Wanda
I could really identify with what your sponsor was saying to you about emotions. When I was drinking, I was drinking away all of my emotions. When I started to sober up, I found a vast range of emotions that I hadn't realised were still in me. It was a wonderful, yet frightening discovery for me. I could cry over anything and everything, and I frequently did. It did me good to begin to learn how to express and handle my emotions again.
Oh Lisa, your post was such a joy to read. It's always wonderful to hear of somebody making the sort of wonderful progress that you are.
Please keep posting and let us know how it is going for you.
Take care and have a great day,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I share everyone feelings, so so great to see how God is working in your Life. And that realization that without pain, we would not appreciate the good times, when pain is not around, and also, I love the concept of Light, without Darkness, there would be no light.
When we shed our Past internal stuff, it is a new beginning. Have to tell you, it is like watching a beautiful flower unfolding it's leafs.
Your Posts in the last fews days are so very very inspirational, you might not even know who, is struggling right now, and your words of how things are changing, just might be what someone needs to see, to help them concentrated on "no matter what, I will not drink, and that courage to go forward"
Thank you for sharing all of this on this Recovery Board.
