Forgiving Ourselves: Name it, claim it, and let it go! - by Gwendolyn M. Duhon, Ph.D.
The nature of being human is being imperfect. We, as human beings, make mistakes every day. Making mistakes can be a great learning experience.
Finding out how not to do something can be as important as discovering the correct way to do it. Some of the world’s greatest discoveries and inventions were the results of mistakes. The critical part in learning from our mistakes lies in how we deal with ourselves in relation to our mistakes. Forgiving ourselves tends to be very difficult for some of us. Often, we will beat ourselves up for doing the very thing that human beings are famous for- making mistakes. There will be times when we make errors in judgment. We may have acted impulsively- consciously or unconsciously hurting others, hurting ourselves, or both. Or, we may have acted after careful thought and consideration- and still made a mistake. Once our mistakes are made, we can choose how they affect us. Either we can spend a lifetime agonizing over our mistakes or we can name it, claim it, and let it go!
Name it: This step requires that we identify our role in making the mistake. Either we make a poor decision, acted incorrectly, or did nothing- which itself is a choice. Identifying our role helps us to look at the situation more clearly and not waste time blaming others for our actions.
Claim it: This step asks that we take responsibility for our mistake. Once we claim it, it no longer has the power to haunt us. We have also learned how not to do something- which can be knowledge used for dealing with future situations.
Let it go: This step can be the most difficult- especially if we have to live with the consequences of our actions. There are always consequences from mistakes. Some consequences are insignificant, while other mistakes can change the course of our lives. Letting go of our mistakes means letting go of the negative feelings associated with making mistakes- shame, disappointment, anger, regret, etc. Letting go of the negative feelings also frees us to deal with life after the mistake- whatever that may entail. Embrace yourself and be forgiving!
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Wow, this post was just what I needed to read today, it validated some wrong behavior from yesterday, was feeling some fear about something completely unrelated. How did I deal with this fear, put the blame on something else, and was being critical of another person.
It did make me feel very uncomfortable, like something was really wrong with the Picture. First showed up, with the criticism I had made, that does not happen often, try my very best to not judge others, and then I found myself doing just that.
Just have felt so off center, believe me, I am Not using that as an Excuse, I know better. Anyway, was able to look at what it was really about, the fear inside, and could see how I had just transferred the fear, instead of dealing with it.
So, I did name, claim it, made a sincere 10th step on it. and now am free of it. We are human, and we are going to make mistakes as long as we are walking on this earth. Good to remember that.
What helped me not drag this out, was that old saying "If you are having a Problem with another person, then go to the bathroom mirror, and the mirror will show you the Problem. Yep, it's the reflection in the mirror that has the problem."
I recall so clearly, how many times I would address a problem about another person, in Therapy, and my dear Therapist, would just hold up this Mirror, (Figuratively) sort of smile, and wait for me to see that the Problem was inside me, no where else.
After I did that 10th Step, I was Free. Simple Stuff, The Steps of the Program are what we use to stay in touch with who we are, with our Higher Power.
