My husband and I had to have a long talk tonight, and he was actually prepared to leave and go to his cousin's house if need be. But it didn't have to come to that, thanks to the program teaching me how to remain calm and stay grounded in the face of accusations and inventories. We are going through a rough patch, and expectations are not being met. A lot of this is stemming from his anxiety of the prospect of me being gone all the time for school. I will not be here when he gets home 4 nights a week. But that's just the way it is. His own anxiety has reared its ugly head lately, and I have had to work hard to love him unconditionally, even when I don't "like" him very much.
Funny thing is in the midst of all this, it is not at all chaotic. It is just 2 people calmly expressing their unmet needs and sticking it out, for now. I can honestly say I have never experienced this kind of adult behavior before, certainly never before I got AA into my life. To feel centered and to know that I can remain centered no matter what, is the biggest gift of my entire life. It isn't always peachy and 'fun', but to have these times of calm in the midst of a storm is priceless. Just thankful that God stopped me from 'acting out' tonight. There is really no real benefit in that. I keep learning as I keep coming back.
Thanks for sharing. You have reminded me of how I used to react to any sort of domestic situation that I didn't like. OMG, I was utterly horrible. I simply couldn't have stayed calm if my life depended it.
Over the last few weeks, I have been in a situation with my boyfriend were we have both needed to sit down and talk with each other. I have amazed myself that I have remained as calm as I have. It's great for me to be able to know that I am really changing my attitudes and that with my Higher Power's help, more is possible than I ever dared to hope for.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
And I agree, when someone else is over-reacting, we can use the Steps, and not get into their stuff.
It reminds me of an old Story about St. Francis, and how someone was trying to see if they could ruffle his quiet Calmness, and Then one day, in his Garden where he was hoeing the dirt to be plowed for the spring, this person approached him and asked him, "St. Francis, what would you do, if it was announced that tomorrow would be the last day of this Earth.
St. Francis paused and reflected on the question, and then calmly responded with, "Well, I think I would just keep Hoeing".
We are so Powerless over everything, except our own behavior, really so very freeing when we can breath into that truth.
Hugs Joni, and wish I could just come over to your house and check out that CD Rom with the Biology stuff in the Drawing Program. What a fantastic work tool for these classes of yours.
Tonibaloney. I went to a great meeting today. It helped me a lot. I have to use my own tools on myself. I loved your share about St. Francis. That's kinda like how I feel right now... like, whatever. I am going to keep pushing forward everyday, and whatever else happens.... Whatever.
