Love involves a willingness to suffer and to be inconvenienced. -- Lewis F. Presnall
The act of loving another broadens our understanding of the human condition and often pinches our egos. Indeed, one of the greatest gifts, though not necessarily cherished, which is granted through loving another, is that we gain humility and thus healthier, smaller egos.
How often do we say the words, "I love you," and yet resent being detained by our loved ones? How frequently do we expect to get our own way when resolving a conflict? Is the silent treatment a manipulative ploy we commonly rely on when problem solving with a spouse or lover?
Love wears many faces and it means not always getting our own way, or never doubting the other's sincerity. We aren't guaranteed happiness forever after, even when we know we're loved. But what giving and receiving love does promise us is growth, periods of peacefulness, some poignantly painful times, and many chances to demonstrate that another's well being is a priority, which in turn assures us of our own well being
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
This is a wonderful post for me to read right now, Carol, and thanks for sharing it. It helps me to celebrate and value all the loves in my life... family, friends, and the still suffering. Even myself.
I don't always give my husband a lot of credit, but I really really should. Our anniversary is next Sunday while we are away, and I think about what we have loved eachother through thus far. Several months after we were married, I relapsed. My husband had never seen me drunk or high. It was pretty bad. I hate to say it, but I was gone for several days on several occasions, within a few weeks. I was a 'runaway bride'. That first 24 hours that I didn't come home were a nightmare not only to him, but to me as well. I thought for sure it was over. When I picked up that drink after a couple years sober, I had no intention of doing the things I was doing, but there I was, doing them. In my sickness, I was just going to keep running and never face the pain I knew I had caused.
After almost a week, what I was met with was unbelievable. After pulling some strings and getting a lot of inside info and support from my AA family, my husband appeared at a gas station near where I was 'hiding'. I was frozen like a cold dark statue. He threw his arms around me and cried, and said, "I don't care what you have done... please don't even tell me... just PLEASE PLEASE come home...." He had lost almost 20 pounds in 10 or so days. I let him put me in the truck. I sobbed uncontrollably. The whole long way home, I was pathetic... I was trying to apologize and I knew there was NOTHING I could say... He kept quietly putting his index finger over my lips like, "shhhhhhh......". He was so very gentle with me. He treated me like a very very sick person for the next few months. He constantly reassured me, saying, "I don't care what happened... you are here safe now." He bacame like a son to my sponsor.
In those months, I waited for the shoe to drop. I waited for him to one day come in the door and say, "Now you are much better and we can talk about separating"... but that never happened. He supported my going to counselling again for a time, and to meetings every day to get back on track. At about 6 months, a little shock finally settled in with him. I had to be patient with him, as he asked continually, "Where were you today.... are you OK???" After a time things really got to a healthy place with us and we are not the least bit codependent.
He later told me what got him through that time. He said he would be driving down the road, talking out loud to himself, angry and hurt. Then he would stop and say, "Do you LOVE her?"
What also got us through is that I loved myself. I went to my meetings, and prayed like crazy and re-worked the steps. I knew it didn't matter who else loved me.. that I would not survive unless I loved myself. So when we have misunderstandings and I want to open up a can on him, something inside me reminds me of the commitment I have made to give back the love that was freely given to me in my darkest time.
I hope you enjoyed this. It is my little "Love Story" that I wanted to share with you all. And a Happy Anniversary to us!!
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
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"When many hundreds of people are able to say that consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith."
-We agnostics in the AA book
