My husband and I were talking on the phone while he was at work.. we were discussing our vacation coming this Wednesday and we were talking about the money I have saved for it. My husband FREAKED out and said he didn't understand why we didn't have more saved... I do all the finances and bills and stuff, per HIS request, and I have been very grateful that in sobriety I have been very very good with our money, by the grace of God. The figure I gave my husband for where we are at right now is quite excellent for where we are going and what we are doing on this vacation. But for some reason, he got panicky. I was so shocked.
I hung up on him when he started getting loud... then I grabbed the budget I had printed out for myself awhile back, and jumped into the car. I was going to drive up to the Highway where he was working solo, and open up a can of whoop-ass. On the way, I called him and said, "Where are you at? I have something to show you..." We talked for a little bit and I decided to just turn around and go back home.
I called a support person in my life and I was thinking that maybe this wasn't even about the money.. it was about something else with my husband. His past experience in his previous marriage was horrendous in every way... I thought to myself, "Maybe he has some anxieties that are just coming out in the wrong way...." Turned out I was right. He called again and said he didn't know what he was thinking, or where that all came from, and that I had indeed done a very good job of making sure we were financially prepared for this vacation. When I hung up the phone, no idea how I GOT THERE, but I found myself in the parking lot of the dry club, and a meeting was to start in 20 minutes. I had my pajamas on and a sweatshirt, but I said to myself, "I need a meeting!! I don't care what I have on!!!"
So I went in and I was centered, and 'at home' instantly. I also heard my own story as I was listening to the lead. It was like I was attending a meeting in that first few weeks of recovery all over again... you know, how we hang on to every word in amazement that someone we can identify with has finally appeared....?? I think because I was in the front row again... the last available seat in this 100-plus meeting was right up front.. (and I, in my pajamas!!) I think I will be sitting up front more often :o)
Some folk think if there late for a meeting they'll be sitting in back, usually the empty seat are in front. My counselor said to always sit as near to the front as possible cause thats where the power is. I heard my story at my Friday meeting, never saw her before, she was from across town, but she shared straight from the heart. Have a good time on your vacation and don't sweat the small stuff.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
