Tonight I went out with some AA folks after the mtg. We went downtown and listened to bands....bands in bars that is. Well, I must say I faked my good time as I was anxious as hell. Such a reminder that when I would go to these places, I would hurry to start drinking to relieve my social anxiousness. As long as I can remember, I have suffered social anxiety. I was very quiet and totally hated every minute of the evening. Tonight, it wasnt that I wanted to get that drink but I started thinking about how am I ever going to be in a situation like this and have fun. I mean how can I have fun in a crowd of drunks? Am I supposed to feel comfortable around that after longer sobriety? Really confused. All I know is today, I am not comfortable doing such-guess I just answered my question. Thanks for letting me vent. Any words of wisdom would be great.
I had been in AA for about six months and a few of us went out after a meeting. It was the first (and last) time that I have been in a bar since I got sober. I felt really anxious, too, but I couldn't work out what I was anxious about. I didn't want to have a drink, but I didn't want to be around people who were drinking, either. All I knew was that I wasn't comfortable and I didn't need that feeling around me. Perhaps it will be different for me now with a little more sobriety, but I'm in no great rush to find out.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I certainly can identify with the 'yuck' feeling that you got there at a bar. I have known of some AA's who went 'out' all the time to see bands, or just to dance and 'hang out' at bars. Just because they seem to be comfortable with it does not say anything about how I 'should' or 'shouldn't' feel. Times I have gone just to go along... I haven't felt good, and the lesson in that was simply, "If it didn't feel right, then I have learned something, and I am not going back!!"
My sponsor and 8 other women-friends took me out for my bachelorette party a few years ago to a comedy club. I really had a good time there. We were all at a huge table together and not drinking. The comedy routines are what had my attention for the whole night. So that instance did not bother me at all, as I was 100% focused on something other than the 'other people' and the drinking. So a rule of thumb just for me, is unless there is something that is really really really going to keep my attention, like a comedy routine or a band I am highly familiar with and absolutely will be mesmerized with, I do not go to bars. The Big Book talks about us 'being spiritually fit'... that our spiritual healthiness has to be in a very good place to venture into places like that. For me, I am not spiritually fit to just go 'hang out' when I am bored, and I know myself well enough to know better.
I have found a lot of other, way more interesting things to do to have fun. Where I used to have to have a lot of stimulation and excitement in my life, I have grown into a person who is having fun in places like coffee houses, art museums, horse stables, hayrides, walks outdoors, luncheons and visits with girlfriends. Bottom line is I am tire of being in situations where I have to be 'afraid' or overly cautious. So I have found fun things to do that will not threaten me like that.
Thanks so much guys. Joni....funny you mentioned "spiritually fit".....someone mentioned that to me last night and I came home to read the about that in the BIG BOOK. But, I have a hunch...spiritually fit or not.....I wont jump at the chance to be in that situation! Yep, the coffeehouse, or on my couch with the dog just sounds better!
