I'm finding that my biggest pitfall in attempting to get my drinking problem under control is that I just really, really, really like drinking! I realize that's nothing profound, but I just am having a very hard time staying focused on sobriety.
I'm very much a health nut...I don't smoke, I like to exercise, meditate, do yoga, eat healthy foods, etc, etc. And yet I have this "dark half" that goes out and binge drinks, smokes half a pack of cigarrettes in 3 hours, and drives home drunk.
I'm doing much better overall, but I am still drinking regularly. Last night was the first time I've binged in about a month, and even last night, the binge was mild compared to what I have done in the past. But I was out until after 1 a.m., I called in sick to work today, and my wife is seriously pissed at me.
When I first came to this board, I was so "gung-ho." I've read a book that was suggested to me called Beyond the Influence, and it was a very good book and really made me even more "gung-ho" to get and stay sober. And yet now, a month or so down the road, I'm drinking 4 or 5 days a week again, and now I've gone out and binged last night and driven drunk.
And of course, today, I feel sick, I'm sick with myself, I'm regretting what I did, and I'm vowing all over again to be sober now and never smoke again, etc, etc. Yet I know this feeling won't last. A couple of days from now -- like this weekend when we're at the lake with the family -- I'm sure I'll be wanting to drink again.
How do you stay focused on sobriety and not slip back into the same old patterns?
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Better days are in the cards, I feel. I feel it in the changing winds.... ~ Jimmy Buffett
Well I share every word of what Phil said, but just wanted to add my 2 cents.
That first drink that you take, is actually the very last part of the Slip or Relapse, it starts in our thinking.
There is a Book called "Relaspe Prevention" by Gorsky, (I think of him as the Guru of Relapse) Prevention" He goes into Great detail about what takes place in the mind, and what to look out for, when attempting to not go back to drinking.
I was never a Binge drinker, so I cannot completely relate, my take on that is "How could anyone stop???" I was a 24/7 - 80 proof drinker at the end of the line.
But I did want to share some words that saved my Butt, when I was terrified of returning to another Relapse, (I had Relapsed for over 10 years, never put more that 30, 60 never 90 from recall) but when my life was on the line that was my terror.
A woman that I had approached with my Fears said to me, "If you Place Sobriety IN FRONT of EVERYTHING, chances are good, that you will be able to KEEP it.
"When you place ANYTHING in FRONT of your Sobriety, chances are good, that you will NOT be able to keep it."
So Scott, I placed this little dangling sign in front of my eyes, so i could see it ALL THE TIME, of course I am speaking Figuratively, but it did work, I did not let any thing come between myself and that sign in Front of my Vision, No mellow drama, no happy times, no real drama, no NOTHING, I added the formula of "If your ASS Falls off, you don't drink, NO MATTER What, and it was combined with a commitment to go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonoymous every day in the first few years, suit up and show up. No other requirement.
But I share Phil's note to you, You have to WANT It Bad enough. Sounds like when you pick up one drink, the Disease of Alcoholism starts gaining ground, (a well known fact for all of us, it is in THAT first drink, not the second or third or fortyeth.)
AA is for people that will go to any lengths, no matter what, to Keep this new Gift, becuase it has the the Gift of HOPE in it.
Working the 12 steps, is the way up and out of the Alcoholic Thinking. Have you tried really working that 1 step, until you feel it in you bones.
Wish you the Best, my friend.
Hugs, Toni, and also so glad you are here with us.
HaHa! That was me all the way. Reminds me of the 'good ol days', meeting all my buddies on the beach for surf fishing and a bonfire. Some one would invariably point out, with a crazy grin on their face, "It's going to get drunk out tonight!" heheh. Gung-ho wasnt the word for it.
But as the years wore on, drinkin wasnt fun anymore. This was a process. But the necessity to drink became stronger the more serious things got. In the end, desperately trying to relive all these good 'ol times in my head, all alone, drinking, having lost friends, family, and the ability to function in life. All that loss was a drawn out, brutal, pitifull ordeal. I didnt really really like it anymore.
Keep coming back!
The first step- When I finally earnestly faced up to my drinking history and what ALCOHOL had done to me, I weighed 130 lbs., was in and out of dt's, brain literally PHYSICALLY twisting in my head, demons talked in one part of my brain, God talked in another, and sometimes they traded places. And I still had some to go. You do not want to experience this stuff. Put some earnest effort into this first step, to the best of your ability. Sobreity will follow.
Tumultuous drinking relationships and so-called 'friendships'.
Workaholism.
Lack of effort in my relationships with Recovering Alcoholics.
Trying to 'rescue' another person instead of working on me.
Lack of AA meetings.
Trying ANYTHING other than commitment to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting every single day. I drank every single day (or close to it.) So I needed a meeting every single day.
These things are what have figuratively bitten me in the ass enough times to know better.
Hope this helps, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I didn't so much like drinking and getting drunk, I loved Beer, Real Beer, Ale with lots of hops, I liked making Beer and I loved drinking Beer. But I couldn't control or even pace my drinking, I'd drink till I was drunk and then the homing instict would take over and I'd want to go home and go to bed. This usually meant driving home drunk. How I only got 1 DUI I'll never know. Since I never was able to control my drinking or what I would do or where I'd end up when I drank the only solution was to not take the first drink.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
When the feeling and thought hits me that I would like a drink - I remember what my life was like before I became sober and what it is like now. That keeps me from doing more research because I have no intentions on returning to the miserable, lonely, useless life that I once had. I have worked hard to be where I am now and I am not going to throw it all away just for one expensive drink. I refuse to fall back into the hole. Besides - Even If My Ass Is Falling Off I Don't Drink. Think - Think - Think Easy Does It which to me means Emotions Destroy Intelligence. Just my share at this moment in time.
Later - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Well you know Joni - we trade one addiction for another - I guess Phil has traded alcohol for high cholesterol food. At least it's not pizza, cheeses and beer - now it's pizza loaded with fourteen inches of toppings and a couple big bags of cheeses, for dessert, six gallons of ice cream with chocolate syrup, nuts, coconut whip cream and a great big fat cherry on top, then wash it down with twenty-four pails of coffee. This is only lunch! ENJOY!
Just my share at this moment in time. Have a great, clean, safe and of coarse sober day everyone.
Later - Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
ENJOY!