When I first sobered up, I found the more uncomfortable something was, the better medicine it was for me to pressed forward with it. The simplest example would be meetings. I also find, that being recovering alcoholics, profound experiences and all, gives us no special license to God, Who is equally involved in the lives of those around us. I find grace in growing into relashionships as He would have me, influencing and being influenced for greater purposes that I dont always understand.
I completely relate to you regarding the meetings Ryan. Last week I had to force myself to go to meetings. I did not want to go to them. I went to one last week Tuesday and sat in my car for a few minutes debating if I should go in. I went in, and it was a great meeting. I went back to the same one yesterday, however I was in a better mood, and was not at all hesitant to go. I did think that perhaps I could do this 'not drinking' thing on my own. No way!! I need AA, I need you guys, and I need my meetings. Thanks.
This Post was great, that pushing part, yep, seems that when we push against our own resistence some times the rewards are right there to see figuratively.
Had a one hour and a half visit in the Dentists chair, and lately, well I only have one more appt. to complete all the work, but was feeling determined this morning to Shift my perception of showing and getting ready for appt. This old worn out little nagging anxiety would keep popping up, and I just decided to kind of laugh at it, on the inside, and wosh, it just went away.
Went to the appt. got in the chair, and was told no shots are necessary today. And with that, just decided to spend the rest of the appointment, seaching for all the benefits of being there, I just get so sick and tired of the MeMe's that can start my day, when I start feeling Anxiety. Yicks.
So, I spent the entire time just letting all the thought about how very greatful I am, to first have a Loving God, that will show me how to get out of the Me Me's, and was thinking of just what a Blessing, one to have the expenses of this covered, and how really comfortable I was, and a wonderful, gentle kind dentist, and the benefit of someone that is an expert at what she does. She asked me at one point "how are you doing, is everything, o.k." I kind of chuckled a little, and said, "Why wouldn't I be?", I'm laying here completely comfortable, and you two are doing all the work."
My Higher Power that I choose to call God, can and will show us the Positive of anything, when we ask to somehow shift a perception, and more than anything, just get out of ourselves.
Have a new sponsee in my Life, and that can be so enriching to our Lifes.
Thanks all for this Post, I have been busy, with my life, and have not been here as often as I have been in the Past.
And Jana, you response made me smile, about the dilema of "debating whether to go, or not go into the meeting.
When I was new in Recovery, one of the greatest things I discovered, was first, I had a drinking Problem, that God and the Meetings were helping me with, and then Second, I realized right next to that, I had a problem with My thinking, and God and the Meetings were there, to help with that.
Many times, when I have made a decision to not go to a meeting, I find it facinating that I get dressed, get in my car, and show up at the meeting, anyway. Then on the days when I really really don't want to go, I am very very aware of my own need to go, because on not wanting to go, and I will show up, and sometimes even talk about that.
This Disease that we share, is so cunning, baffling and powerful, when I am in that mode of Really not wanting to go, I get a little suspicious that somewhere in some part of my little pea brain, the disease is getting thru, and trying to encourage me not to go. That thought scares me so much, I show up early.
Documented today by a dear friend, a man that I really like, and admire the quality of his Sobriety, was sitting there talking about taking a few days off, and decided to do some drinking. When I hear that, I am also so Dam Grateful, he represents and shows me that time in this Program, really can come down to having no meaning, our Disease sits in wait, and we must be diligent in our efforts, never think we have come to a safe area, because, well my own belief is that the Disease sits in wait for us to just slip just a little in our THINKING. The drink is always the last part of any Slip.
Thank God we have a Loving God looking out over us, because the Disease sits right behind us always waiting.........waiting.........waiting. And we cannot even file Stalking Charges against it, hahahahaha! Some Levity needs to be there too.
hugs to all, and see what happens when you don't Post that often, you get the bla, bla, blas, badly, at least I do.
