When I think back to my first experiences with Step 3, I recall having an overwhelming sense of fear and anticipation regarding, "What is God's will, and what is my will?" I first learned that my will was my thoughts and actions, and my motivations, or instincts. It was easier to see what my will had been by looking at my thought and action patterns in Step 4. And it became obvious that many of these patterns were present because of a spiritual sickness, a demand from me to get what I wanted at all costs, and a lack of Faith. I learned that for my life to change, my will had to change, and become more aligned with God's Will.
So then came even further questions, "So, what is God's Will, anyway?" For me, no gurus came floating down from the sky with a list of heavenly items inscribed on parchment. No decree was ordered by the saints. When I said my morning prayers and asked God for help, no one tapped on my shoulder and said, "today, you will do X, Y and Z, and that is My Will."
How confusing. I went to many discussion meetings and asked a lot of old timers what they thought God's will was. "Should I take certain job, should I go here, go there, associate with so-and-so." While I did get a lot of good suggestions, no one came out and told me "...and this is God's Will."
What I learned over time, is that God's Will for me lies in this 24 hours. It is simple. I can find it if I wake up and put my heart in the right place for the day. Today, God's Will is for me to saty drug and alcohol free, that much I know. My Higher Power wants me well and alive, therefore, He wouldn't want me putting any more poison into my body and life. That much is obvious.
He also wants me to go through my day being honest, and being kind not only to others, but to myself. He doesn't want me calling anyone or myself names!
God's Will for me today is to do something for my recovery; something that will keep me moving forward. He wants me to take care of the responsibilities I have been blessed with, to the best of my ability.
And the rest... well, the rest is not very specific. Does He want me to drive the green car or the red car? Call Shannon first, or Sally? Have beef or fish for dinner? Pay the phone bill or the electric bill today? I have even asked him things like, "God, do you want me to move into the apartment on 3rd Street or Main Street??" And then I waited for an answer, and answers did not come.
What I have learned is that often God's will is not as specific as I once thought it to be. Sure,t here are times when it is obvious what the next right thing is, like I go to drive green car and the tire is flat. But not always. Quite often, the little day to day things are left up to my choice. I have to remember that my thinking is a fishbowl, and God's is the ocean. God often is not concerned which car I drive, as long as I get where I need to be. God doesn't care who I call first in the morning, as long as I treat her with love and compassion. And God didn't care which apartment I moved into back then, he just wanted me to be sober in it.
While there are exceptions, and sometimes God makes it very clear, through my conscience, "Don't do that", or "Stay away from there today", often times I am led in a more general way. The who what when where's have become less important, and the HOW'S are what matters for the day.
Am I going to run my errands or go to work with a nasty attitude and full of anxiety and worry, or am I going to relax, be grateful and let the day unfold?
Do I have to have a pre-planned agenda each day? No!! Because my plans don't always work out. But if my plan is to do whatever ends up in front of me with a grateful heart, and as much honesty and kindeness as I can do it with, then I am probably in line with God's Will.
Just my thoughts this morning. Have a good day, all.
One of my greatest fears about giving up control over my life to the God of my understanding was fear of the unknown. I knew that my life was in complete chaos when I was drinking and that I had no control over my life, but I did feel apprehensive and nervous. But, whenever I spend time thinking about God and praying, those fears, nerves and insecurities seem to lessen in me. I now pray every single day. At first, I didn't find it easy. I was very self-concious. But, that has now lessened enormously and I am comfortable praying to my God.
In the past, I have certainly tried to control various circumstances/events in my life. I have spent time and energy in doing this and yet I invariably failed. I am now beginning to realise that God most certainly can handle my life better than ever I could. I am prepared, content and happy to turn my life and my will over to the care of God.
The God of my understanding is all seeing and all knowing. He is gentle and caring. I would like him to show me his Will for me with the gentleness and caring that I know to be there. As I remain sober, I am coming to trust in God. I trust the people of AA and I know that when I am with them, that I am close to God.
Already my life is fuller and richer for trying to fulfil His Will for me. After all, trying to fulfil my own will got me precisely nowhere. I am happy to have completely surrendered. I was helpless, and I needed and need His help on a daily basis.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Just wanted to share a memory with you, once, I was in my Second year of Recovery, and really stressing over something, and was trying to communicate this to a Sponsor, and did talk about how fleeting the feeling of God's Presense in my life was, that I was experiencing that day.
My Sponsor, walked up to me, put her hand's on my arms, firmly to get my attention, and she put her face up close to mine and said, "Toni, He is right here, He is WITH you NOW, HE IS in your heart, Stop Searching!!!!
A soothing relief came over me, and I did Trust what she had just said, and yes the rest of the day was truly amazing, no stress, no fear. It had evaporated, with her gentle words.
That was many years ago Joni, and I use that memory a lot, when I am seeking His Will, in the Silence, the Key is my own Willingness to shut off my thinking and go to my heart energy.
This exercise has kept me away from the old familiar being slammed up against a brick wall first, before I would just surrender to His Will.
A very Powerful memory that I wanted to share with you.
But not always. Quite often, the little day to day things are left up to my choice. I have to remember that my thinking is a fishbowl, and God's is the ocean. God often is not concerned which car I drive, as long as I get where I need to be. God doesn't care who I call first in the morning, as long as I treat her with love and compassion. And God didn't care which apartment I moved into back then, he just wanted me to be sober in it. 