Hi all - just feel like sharing what's been going on with me lately.
The last few weeks have been spent absorbing the fact that I'm an alcoholic. Went to 2 meetings last weekend which I enjoyed. Made it through another business dinner this week with my diet Coke. Just said no thanks when my boss asked if I wanted to try her drink. It's not too hard to abstain from drinking at work functions because I don't want to embarass myself. The fact that I know I can't just have one keeps me in check. What good is one? It would never be enough. I'm actually finding myself much less self-conscious at these functions now.
Cravings still come and go. Friday's after work are the worst. Powerful one on my way home last night but it passed.
Still having a hard time with detachment from my exabf. I talk to him now and then and believed him when he said he was sober. My heart was filled with hope for him. Then I found out that he isn't sober and has shown up to work reeking of booze. He knows that I quit drinking a few months ago and it seems to make him resentful. But that is his problem, not mine. 6 months ago this started with him in detox and going to meetings. He still goes to meetings but he keeps bingeing and nothing changes.
So I continue to work on acceptance and detachment. A few weeks ago I didn't know what program to focus on - AA for me or Al-Anon because I am having such a hard time letting go of him. Now I've found that if I focus on my recovery the rest will start to fall into place.
I posted earlier about my Mom's diagnosis of breast cancer. Seems like it was found early enough and she will be fine. She is taking it all in stride which is what I've always admired about my Mom.
All in all, life isn't so bad. Feeling more calm and balanced than I have in a long time. Thanks for letting me share.
Thank you for your share. You have certainly got me thinking now.
It took me quite a while to really absorb the fact that I was an alcoholic. I would regularly attend my meetings and share as and when I wanted. But, fully accepting it to myself was so very hard. I wrote down just a few things that I had done while I was drunk as a reminder to myself of just how out of control my drinking was making me. It's a good reminder for me to take out those notes and read them from time to time.
After nine months in AA, and six months of sobriety, I still get the odd craving, too. But, they're really not too bad. Earlier in the week, I took delivery of a new computer and that made me crave a drink. I guess that I had been worried about it arriving safely, and when it had, I wanted to celebrate. So, I did, with a healthy glass of fruit juice and a good meeting!
I still tend to keep away from social gatherings if I can. There is a guy who has eighteen years of sobriety and he often says that if he doesn't want to slip, he doesn't go where it is slippery! But, I know that I am feeling 'well enough' to go out with friends and not to be tempted. There is no way that one drink would be enough for me - it never was, so why would it have changed now?
Lizzy, you have reminded me to focus on my recovery. I know that if I do that, then everything else will be fine. I needed to hear that today. Thank you.
It's really good news about your Mum and I am so pleased for her and for you, too.
Any sober day that I have in a million times better than even a good day I had when I was still drinking. AA and the program is great. I have so much gratitude today.
Have a great weekend.
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
You are so refreshing to me. I am so delighted when I see you posting what is going on with you, and that you are indeed making it, one day at a time.
I am truly keeping your mother and you in my thoughts and prayers. That you just keep pluggin' along in your sobriety through this rough time is really a blessing.
