I have been depressed and angry for over a month now. At first, I hated feeling angry. I hated being a b****. I have always stuffed my feelings in and been so nicey-nice to everyone, even when I was feeling awful inside.
Yesterday, my step-grandmother passed away, and I still went into work anyway, when all I wanted to do was cry and be with my family. I hated the sight of all the happy customers I had to wait on. I still put on my happy face and got through the night. But then my dumb coworkers started talking about this party that they were all going to last night. Ugh. I just wanted to smack everyone.
Now, I am okay with being angry. I'm embracing my anger. I'd rather be pissed off at the world right now than to be depressed. Anything feels better than being depressed. Anger motivates. Depression de-motivates. So today I am content with being an angry, bitter b****. At least I have the desire to get out of bed and do something, right? Embrace the b**** within! Ha!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that it is so very hard to wait on customers and to try to be fine with it when there is something massive happening in your life. I've been there and I know what it feels like.
"Anger motivates. Depression de-motivates." I needed to hear that this evening. Thank you for that.
Please take care of yourself. You're in my thoughts and my prayers.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
You have described me to a tee. This explains what I have been going through and feeling for the last month except for the part about step-grandma. Sorry for your loss.
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Angry was (and still sometimes is) my middle name. Have you heard the saying "Fake it till you make it". I thought that was THE dumbest BS I'd ever heard. Until I relapsed in July, that is. Today that phrase is my best friend. The only thing I can control is me, my attitude, my actions, my reactions. So, just a short time back I decided to Fake it for a while. I have a "pretty little note" posted on my bathroom mirror that says
"Today is going to be a good day"
I can't miss it every morning. It hasn't been long, but it IS starting to work. No BS.
And I have to remember I can start my day over at anytime it goes awry. So, maybe you can give it a try too and fake it till you make it. Not by playing "nicey nice" to others, but by being nice to yourself on the inside.......
Love and hugs.
-- Edited by Doll at 21:10, 2006-08-20
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Also, very sorry for your loss, and not being able to attend with the family, that was something that that anger was pretty appropriate too. I am also a Recovering People Pleaseing A...H...!
That's how I remember it, if I felt any anger, I would turn it in on me, of course that meant drinking to stuff it down, and through the Process of Recovery, have learned to express that anger in a positive way for ME. Do not hold anger in and more, it is so damn freeing.
Loss and anger are really such a bad combination, but if we do not drink, things will just get better one day at a time.
Hugs to you dear, and again so sorry that you are going through that loss.
Phil put a Post on the Board about the 5 stages of Grief, you might find interesting, there is Anger in that Process as well.
