I was thinking this morning about my work, my program, and balance.
You see I work in the social service field (using my codie ways to help the world, lol) and alot of our participants have substance abuse issues or are the loved one of someone with a substance abuse issue. And my struggle with this ( and I am not sure if it is a balance of keeping the traditions or a boundary issue) is that often times feel the need to reach out and discuss the help that one can get in a 12 step program any 12 step program.
Each conversation is different, and in some I feel the need to tell the person I am talking to that I am in alanon. I do this not to come off as an expert or have a holier-than-though attitude, but to show the person that I really and truley can empathize with them. Ok, my struggle with that, if I do this 1) I am breaking the annonymity of my hubby in a sense. Or am I really, at one time he was a member of NA/AA, but today chooses to stay away. So am I really to protect his annonymity. I try to, and he has said that I don't need to worry about that, but it is an alanon tradition. We don't live in a small town, but being in social services I am getting to know my community on a much closer level. 2) If I talk about my involvment in the program, am I promoting the program and not attracting the program? 3) Could I be bringing the name of AA/Alanon/NA/Alateen (really those are the four 12 step programs that come up the most) into an outside issue (My agency)?
I am very, very careful to reveal myself as a member and to not give advice. I share my ESH and tell the person that if they ever want to get to a meeting, then they know where to find me and I will help them get to a meeting.
My "coming out" as a member of alanon has helped me when working our people. In the past I was assigned to work with our participants that have alcohol/subsatnce abuse/alanon issues. My supervisor knows of my activity in program as well.
I have a tendancy to over complicate things (hehe a true codie) and I realize that I may be doing just that. I am not sure why it hit me this morning like it did. LOL maybe I shoudl start singing in the shower instead of thinking in the shower. But if I truly want to bring the program into all my affairs, which I do, there has to be a balance in there somewhere. Or is it balanced already and my thinking is imbalanced (which since I am pretty sick in the head could be the whole issue itself)
So at this time I am right where I am supposed to be, one very confused, trying to work her program, share the message, maintain good boundaries, asking for help, alanon memeber. And there is comfort in the fact that even if I don't know the answers HP has me right where he wants me and in his time I will find my answers.
A couple of thoughts come to mind, from MY experience and MY perception of this.
First of all, if you simply state you are in Alanon, you are not necessarily 'breaking your hubby's anonymity', if you do not mention WHO your Alcoholic is.
Secondly, being an alcoholic is not necessarily an 'anonymous' disease. Membership in AA or NA is. But being an alcoholic is not necessarily an 'anonymous thing', because, as I joke when speaking about myself, "I certainly was not anonymous when I was out there beating my chest in the bars, or falling off bar stools, getting arrested, causing ruckus for the neighbors to hear and the like".
Thirdly, one of the best counsellors I have ever had, and I went to her for years, divulged early on that she was 'In a 12 Step Program'. I instantly felt like she was a 'kindred spirit', and that she would probably not steer me wrong, to the best of her ability. I never doubted that what she shared with me probably came form her own experience, or the experiences of other (anonymous) clients, and not from some dry Psychology or Sociology book.
For myself, I feel that being in a 12 Step program is not a 'shameful' thing. It means I am getting help for issues that many people don't get help for. It means I am being responsible to myself and to my community.
The 12 Traditions state that we are to remain anonymous at the level of press, radio and film, so that we aren't diverted by prestige from our primary purpose. The choice in our personal or occupational lives is ours to make. So unless you are the weatherman on the evening news, you have a CHOICE, Mandy.
And on 'attraction rather than promotion'... I don't see how people can be 'attracted' to our programs other than by knowing that we (and others) are in it, and it WORKS!!
In addition, I have worked in the medical field for a decade. While I have not often divuldged my 12 Step affiliation to patients, other than when I worked as a residential supervisor at a treatment center, my co-workers and my doctors knew shortly after I would begin working for them. This was (as an alcoholic) so that people knew where I stood as far as 'drinks after work', and so-on, and also so that if anyone had a problem they would know of at least one person they could confide in. I was usually treated with respect, except for one instance where I think the co-worker was struggling with her own conscience about her drinking... anyway, that was her stuff.
Bless you this day, Dolphin. Just my experioences here. Hope they help you come to your own decision.
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