The new car, the huge house, the handsome husband, my own business & a high falultin' (<sp?) job. I'd always gotten what I wanted. That is until I didn't want it anymore..........Quickly, I became tired of the car payments. I became tired of cleaning the new house. I got tired of the husband's wants and needs & constant nagging & not doing what I wanted him to do. I got tired of having to be responsible for the business & I got tired of the corporate world.....for the first time in my life, some of these things that I wanted to get rid of when I grew tired of them or it became too hard, have not been so easy to dispose of. I have been puzzled by that, considering I've always gotten what I thought I wanted......
Before coming to AA, I managed to get rid of the hubby & stick him with the house that was too large to keep clean.......Since coming to AA I have managed to pay off the car and found myself a small fixer upper home. I still have the business, but it's been on the market for 3 yrs and not a single offer, hmmmmmm. I still have the corporate job b/cause without it I wouldn't have the much needed health insurance ( I've had 4 major surgeries since getting that job & my son has been seriously ill twice).
It came to me this morning. I'm supposed to get back in the trenches & work that business like I did when I first bought it, with heartfelt enthusiam, & my blood, sweat and tears. I'm supposed to hang on to that corp. job (that I really do hate btw) until my business is on track again where I can afford my own health insurance. And I'm supposed to continue to drive that 7 yr old car that still looks and runs great, as this frees up a little extra cash to fix up my little home.
All this time I've been trying to 'unload' the things I thought were dragging me down. I've had a case of the "if onlys" all my life...
For the VERY FIRST time in my 40 yrs of being on this planet, I now know what it is I'm supposed to do...........God's will?......... I think so......it won't be easy, but I refuse to quit before the miracle happens....
Thank you my AA net friends for letting me share this.......
Ya'll have a grateful, sober Sunday.
-- Edited by Doll at 11:12, 2006-08-13
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
A good reminder, that when drinking, I didn't lose anything...
I traded it; gave it away for the bottle.
Nowadays, I find myself simplifying. I get too wrapped up in corporate ideals and workaholism. For me, I am at a crossroads where I am actually bowing out of the medical-business world. I want to get back to direct patient-care, and hopefully (we will see this coming Saturday!!) I will be attending an accelerated nursing program. I look forward to working 12 hour shifts, 3 days a week... and having 4 days off to work on my program, my home and my relationships.
I admire that you are ready to put some time and effort back into your endeavors. But for me, I am in a place where I have to 'dial back' from the competitiveness, and study toward something more stable for myself. I have never been a big risk-taker as far as career concerns, but I admire your entrepeneurial skills!!
Your message hit me right between the eyes. (Guess what?....It shore does smart when you get hit between the eyes with a post....)
Sounds a lot like my life, (except the business that I own is shared with 3 other partners, and I have hated IT a LOT lately!)
You're right about how we never seem to be happy when we get what we think we want. I am paying my bills. I have a modest home, but it is paid for, and a car and small truck which are also paid for. I have been building a small retirement account which will be there for me when I reach age 59 +1/2. I am also putting aside a little money in other savings everyday.
I need to quit worrying about the ego clashes between my partners, and leave that little game for them to play amongst themselves. I also need "to get back in the trenches & work that business like I did when I first bought it, with heartfelt enthusiam, & my blood, sweat and tears."
Thanks for posting this Doll. Sometimes, we really do have to step back and take a really hard look at what we have, and where we are going.
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