I am feeling very grateful for this program and thought I would share how this is working for me today.....
Last Saturday I did my 3rd step with my sponsor. I didn't have any "sudden spiritual awakening" , no white light, epiphany of any kind. I can say that I have had a very good week. My Mom is at the top of my resentment list. I have been unable for years to communicate with her, feel anything but irritation with her. She is in AZ., along way from me, and for the past couple months she's been laid up at home with back problems and a broken ankle. She has been constantly calling me, emailing, wanting to talk. I hadn't heard from her in a while before that and she NEVER asks how my recovery is going and, of course, I was just stewing in resentments....NOW you want to talk huh? Now that your bored and can't do anything else!!
I would try to avoid her. Online, on the phone, where ever... Well, Tuesday night she wrote me an email and was angry and hurt. Said if I don't want to talk to her just reply to the email and tell her to f**k off and she'd leave me alone. Ouch!
I was angry at first when I read it. How dare she!! But, as I sat and thought about what I should do about this (thinking I should tell her to f**k off!) I had a thought...........Maybe she was right! Maybe I had been less than considerate of her feelings.......Through all the resentments I couldn't see what I was doing to her, or felt justified in doing it......In the past I would have got drunk and called her up and told her exactly what I thought of her. I DIDN"T HAVE TO DO THAT!
I wrote her back and apologized. I really meant it too. The next day she wrote me back......and apologized for over-reacting! These two emails between my Mom and I are miracles and nothing less. I felt lifted up and like I actually, for once, did the right thing regarding my Mom.
Yesterday morning I sent her a funny get well e-card. It was much appreciated by her......
This got much longer than I though it would be! I just wanted to share this little miracle. This change in my behavior which, in turn, changed my mom's behavior, which just made me realize that I have learned something about myself and that my HP is working in my life today to guide me to do the next right thing....
Thanks for letting me share! Have a great sober weekend!
Thanks, Jen, for sharing. I too have 'mother issues' and identify with your post so well. I'm learning also the only thing I can control is me and my attitude......
I'm glad you didn't quit before the miracle happened. You've continued my hope.
((((Hugs))))
[the other] Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thanks so much for a really uplifting share. It was great to read.
I am so truly pleased for you and your Mum. I went for a long time without really talking to my Mum. We're just great now and I would miss our relationship so much.
As Phil says, strange things do happen when one gets sober!
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
That is sucha cool tidbit, Jen. I thank you for sharing it with us. I have seen amazing things happen in my own family of origin. But whether or not every single relationship is healed, I am being healed, ODAAT..
My mom was at the top of my resentment list when I did my first fourth step. My sponsor had me write an anger letter to her, one that I would never send! I couldn't believe what I wrote. Kinda scary to this alchy. Didn't know I had that much hate in me. After working the steps forgiveness found me and I've been working on the mom/son relationship for some years now and it's a good one(today).
Thankyou so much for posting Jen. Kinda been wondering about ya!
